7 Thoughts Every New Yorker Has On Their Daily Commute

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“How did that shoe get onto the subway track?”

Waiting for the subway, and you’re just staring at the subway track to pass the time. And then you see a shoe, or a pair of pants, just lying there on the track. All of the possible scenarios of how personal items such as these ended up there are a great source of entertainment while playing the waiting game. Did a person just fling off his pants and throw them onto the track, then proceed to run around pant-less for the rest of the day? Did the owner of the pair of sneaks get tired of carrying his spare shoes and throw them down to lighten his load? The possibilities are endless.

“If only I had the power to run through turnstiles and stop doors from closing on command.”

Nothing is worse than receding down the subway stairs, only to see the doors of the subway closing. It would take superhero-caliber speed to get your metro pass out of your wallet, swipe it at the turnstile, and slip in through those already-closing doors in time. This situation is made even more frustrating when it happens on your way to work, on the subway that comes every 15 minutes, and of course you’re already late to work.

“Don’t look up, whatever you do.”

You’ve already made eye contact with the guy sitting across from you 3 times. This is getting awkward now. But the more you tell yourself not to look up and make eye contact for that fourth and now extremely uncomfortable time, the harder it is not to look up. You’re afraid he’s going to ask for your number soon, because he’s going to mistake your lack of self-control for interest.

“Thank you for what patience?”

You hear the dreaded words, “We are delayed because of the train’s dispatcher. Thank you for your patience.” But the automated conductor is thanking you for non-existing patience, because there’s nothing you want to do more than punch the speaker those words came out of. You have places to be and things to do!

“Please don’t sit down, please don’t sit down.”

…And she sat down. The lady that takes up two seats and squishes you into the miniscule space between her right butt cheek and the metal rail which you are now in full contact with. You better wash every inch of your body when you get to your destination, or else you’re going to get some form of some disease.

“How dare you not wait for me to get off the subway before you bully your way in?”

You’ve been sitting on this smelly subway for 30 minutes, you’re late to work, and the subway finally got to your stop after taking its sweet time. No, you will absolutely not wait for those impatient, rude people to push their way past you before letting you off.

“I love to hate that guy who stops the elevator as the doors are closing.”

And that’s why you never want to be him. You can’t help the beams of judgment and disdain radiating from your eyes when the elevator doors are closing, and cue the guy who sticks his arm in at the last minute to reopen the doors. It doesn’t end there, because his reopening of the doors invites the next ten people behind him from also getting on the elevator—all because that guy couldn’t wait 30 seconds for the next elevator. TC Mark

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