20 Ways You Know You Don’t Give A F*ck

1. You are half an hour late to your summative assessment because you stayed at home to watch “Girls” season finale. You also come into class with a hot coffee that you waited for.

2. When arguing with the guy who broke your heart, you tell him that you still think about him when you masturbate.

3. You go to the corner shop at 11am in your pink bed robe to buy the latest edition of Vogue and a bottle of wine.

4. You show the bus driver yesterday’s travel ticket and walk up to the top level of the bus with headphones on so you can’t hear him calling you back.

5. You wear sunglasses and hot pink lipstick on the tube.

6. You tell the guy you were dating that you’re not into him and that the relationship isn’t going to go anywhere. You don’t tell him it’s because you’re not looking for a relationship or because you can’t get over your ex because you’re not a liar.

7. You buy bunnies and let them pee all over your bed while you read a novel because you don’t have a garden and you don’t want to keep them locked up.

8. You leave the window open and the blinds up while you dance around the room naked listening to “Cool and the Gang”

9. You proceed to argue with the police about whether you did actually drop that cigarette and interrupt them when they’re telling you your rights by saying you’re a law student.

10. You smoke weed whilst lining up to get into a festival.

11. You never put Spotify on private session.

12. You let a guy buy you four drinks in a club and then let him feel you up for ten minutes on the couch before telling him you’ve gotta go because you have a boyfriend.

13. You leave the supermarket self serve without signing the receipt because you can’t be bothered waiting for assistance.

14. You drink half a bottle of port on a Tuesday night.

15. You write four articles assessing the dangers of recreational drugs and then snort ecstasy at a party just because it was in Mayfair.

16. You pretend to be an actress so you can get an interview at a talent agency. When you’re there you ask for a job as a talent agent because that’s what you actually wanted. They give it to you. When they introduce you to their pride and joy- the celebrity boss- you tell them you’ve never heard of him.

17. You don’t review shit you bought online- even when it arrives a week ahead of schedule.

18. Your electric toothbrush is used for two purposes.

19. You walk into the village pub with bare legs wearing four inch heels and a short fur coat.

20. You ask a bunch of black dudes if you can watch them forming their gang in a Croydon park.