Charlie Shaw

Fatherless, motherless and born without skin, I speak when I come into the world, but never speak again. What am I?

I’m fairly sure my son and daughter are having sex with each other.

Bill Murray, because who would believe me?

Interviewers like candidates who take initiative! Even if they haven’t asked for a drug test, bring a urine sample.

It would solve a lot of problems if men broke up with women only after they’re absolutely certain this is what they want. Try picturing her sleeping with someone else. Can you stomach that? If not, then I would recommend re-evaluating your decision.

Fanny. Sorry but that word does not mean butt. It means vagina.

I had dreams every night of a crowd of faceless people with a little boy standing in front. He never spoke but I could tell he was trying to tell me something.

Yeah, no, not kidding. Wish I was! But I’m not.