Stop getting mad at me for what I did in your dreams.
When the fight is done, let it go. It’s over, no need to bring it up or reopen. Forgive, forget, move on.
Assuming every man must want to have sex with every woman all of the time. No I’m not gay, I just don’t find you attractive.
When I finally decide to open up around you and show a more sensitive side DO NOT SAY “Aww…”
Setting us up for questions that have no right answers.
Stop posting those “A real man would treat their girl like a Queen” bullshit postings on Facebook. It is not our job to serve you like a queen, and you’d better believe a guy would get an angry feminist mob bearing down on them if they posted something similar about men. It’s not funny and makes you look like a bitch to all men, no matter how many of your girlfriends agree.
Stop being all passive aggressive. Just tell me what you want and stop hemming and hawing and saying, “nothing” when you really do want something.
Me: “What do you want to do for dinner?” Her: “I don’t know, whatever’s fine with me.” Me: “How about that Mexican place on 2nd street?” Her: “I’m not in the mood for Mexican.” Me: “What are you in the mood for?” Her: “Eh, whatever you want…” My bad, but when you guys say “whatever”, I assume you mean “whatever.”
Dropping hints. Seriously. We don’t pick them up. We won’t pick them up. We can’t pick them up. Stop expecting us to know what you want or feel and just say it.
As a man, my mind often wanders. If I’m staring off into space, please stop asking me “What I’m thinking.” I usually don’t know. Admitting this, however, seems to trigger an argument, since I’m “avoiding” the question. There is only an infinitesimally small chance that my wandering thoughts are about you. There’s an even smaller chance that it’s anything negative.
Order your own fucking fries or salad at the restaurant. I told you to get whatever you wanted. I wanted a whole serving of fries, that’s why I ordered my self a whole serving of fries. I didn’t order something cause I only wanted half of it and was hoping to split the rest with you.
Honestly, I love the company of women. I just can’t stand how they can be so mean to each other when guys aren’t around.
Just cause I’m a guy doesn’t mean you can sexually harass me. It doesn’t matter what gender you are. It’s creepy, Kathryn.
Stop taking an hour to reply to every text. Every time we hang out, you’re on your phone. What the fuck are you doing on that thing?
Stop asking me questions about a movie we’re watching together that we’ve both never seen. No, I don’t know if he’s going to die, I’ve seen exactly as much of this fucking movie as you have. Also, when you asked me what the person on the screen said, I don’t know because when they were talking you were asking me what the person on the screen before them said. Oh, and I’m sorry you didn’t follow what happened with that one person in the movie because you started playing with your phone for ten minutes to ignore the movie that you picked for us to watch.
Stop making their eyebrows like the Nike symbol.
Just because I am gay does not mean that you and I will be best friends. I don’t want to go shopping with you; I don’t want to check out guys with you. Most of all — your other gay friend is not perfect for me purely because he is gay.
Stop treating sex as something you let us do to you. Either want it too or fuck off.
Take your fucking feet off the fucking dashboard.
This may seem oddly specific, but please stop trying to prove that you’re stronger than I am. Play-fighting and wrestling can be fun, but when you decide that you want to prove how strong you are, one of us is going to get hurt. If you use all your strength and I don’t use a reciprocal amount of force, you are probably going to end up hurting me in some way. If I use enough force to keep you from hurting me, I’m probably going to hurt you. I get it; it’s fun. Just remember that most likely, I’m taller, weigh more and have a lot more muscle mass. No one is saying you aren’t a bad ass. It’s just that someone is going to get hurt. That’s no fun.
Don’t get mad when I completely ignore your “I’m not mad” bullshit.
When we say, “you look beautiful today” we aren’t saying you don’t look beautiful on any other day, we are just saying you look exceptionally beautiful today. Take it as a goddamn compliment.
23. Fake tanning.
Fake tans. Orange is not a good skin tone.
Just because you have woken up does not mean I want to be woken up. Women in my life seem to always have this notion that as soon as they’re awake, my ass had better be getting up too, but if I wake HER up…World War fucking 3.
Please, don’t tell me it’s weird to have girls as friends when 82% of your friends are guys! And then you go cheat on me with those 82% of friends, fuck you Riley.
To the college women: stop saying “I CAN’T EVEN”. Finish your sentence or don’t talk at all. It makes you sound dumb as shit.
Stop taking up the entire bed and then call us the bed hog in public. You know who you are.
Can I answer even though I’m a woman? Please stop announcing when you’re on your period. It doesn’t give you a free pass to lash out at everyone for no reason.
Don’t start complaining about something, and then cut it off mid-sentence to lure me into it. “Ugh, I hate it when — ohh, never mind.”
Generally speaking, a trait I run into among many women, especially those from privileged upbringing, is the pretentious stance that no one could suffer if they have a penis. That really needs to stop, right now.
If you insist on getting treated like one of the guys, then don’t get pissed when you do in fact get treated like one of the guys.
You can even. Stop telling me you can’t.