1. P.Diddy.

I briefly worked as a cleaner/server/skivvy in P. Diddy/Sean Comb’s house in East Hampton when I was a teenager. He was a huge douche, sadly. He liked to scream down the phone at people, generally punctuating his sentences with the word motherfucker. This was when he was going out with Jennifer Lopez, although he’d get professionals sent in from NYC when she wasn’t around for the sex. He had a bunch of $100 bills in his bedside cabinet for that purpose. He never spoke to his staff unless he had to – the one time he talked to me was when he asked me to pick his dog’s shit up off his lawn. He called me “you”. Oh well, maybe he’s gotten less cranky in his old age.

2. Christopher Reeve.

My uncle was Christopher Reeve, my dad’s half-brother. I don’t really remember him from before the accident, (happened when I was one or two) but he was always really nice to us when we’d visit, us kids would call him uncle Tofu. It’s still unsettling to me to see his name pop up in random places, as a kid I never really realized just how famous he was.

3. John Goodman.

John Goodman is a really good family friend. He’s great. Hilarious, polite, humble, every good quality a person can have.

4. Sandra Bullock.

My mom used to be really good friends with Sandra Bullock. She says she is the sweetest, silliest woman ever. Just how you think she’d be.

5. Spock from Star Trek.

My great uncle is Leonard Nimoy (Spock). According to what my great grandma told my mom, he was just an average kid when she knew him. We’re pretty disconnected with that side of the family (a lot of deaths before I was born). So we’ve never met him, but it’s still cool to me.

6. George Clooney.

George Clooney is my step-uncle. I spoke to him at a new years party and he seemed like a pretty nice guy. By the end of the night he was pretty drunk and stayed the night at my other step-uncles house. So it’s pretty cool to say I slept in the same house as George Clooney.

7. Robin Williams.

A friend of mine was urged into rehab and sponsored by Robin Williams for an eating disorder and drug abuse. He was buddies with Robin’s son, Cody.

The takeaway from this story is that Robin Williams is a genuinely caring gentleman.

8. Famous porn star.

My best friend is a semi famous porn star. He has been in movies with Sasha grey and he was in a casting video when Mary queen was starting out. He is super chill and has had several serious relationships. He has less confidence than an Iraqi poop deck cleaner.

9. Lord Baelish from Game of Thrones.

Related to Aiden Gillen who plays Lord Baelish in Game of Thrones. Unfortunately never met him as he lives in Ireland, he took my sister for a tour of Dublin when she was there last year though.

10. Danny Trejo.

My mom is friends with Danny Trejo. We go to concerts and dinner with him all the time, and he’s really just a cheesy old man. He just cracks dumb jokes all the time, but he’s a really sweet, caring guy. He’s not a complete rebel badass like in most of his movies.

11. Britney Spears.

I’m a good friend of Britney Spears. We hang out at least once a month. She really does get a bad rap. Sweet girl and she really has turned around for the best over the years. Oh and for any of you Britney fans…a version of “Blackout 2.0” IS happening. Her fans are crazy.

12. Michael C. Hall.

My older brother is good friends with Michael C Hall. He’s honestly one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.

13. Shel Silverstein.

My grandpa was roommates w/ Shel Silverstein in college. He refers to Him as Shelly and says he was batshit insane. Regularly he would walk around the U of I campus dressed as an old man with a cane, among other shenanigans.

14. The cast of 30 Rock.

My aunt worked on 30 Rock, Tracy Morgan is apparently a douche. They all went out to dinner to celebrate something, and Tracy sat on the other end of the restaurant surrounded by bodyguards with a huge posse. But Tina Fey on the other hand, is apparently the sweetest woman. My aunt dropped a bunch of pencils and Tina Fey dropped to the floor and helped her clean up. My aunt apparently was like “Tina you are the last person who should be helping me with this!” oh and also Jack McBrayer is exactly like his character in real life!

15. Tyra Banks.

My roommate last year is first cousins with Tyra Banks. I was a huge fan and I honestly thought she was amazing but apparently she’s a huge bitch and was not involved with her family because she grew up in a “ghetto” part of California she clearly wants no part of anymore. I don’t know, I was really disappointed to hear about how much she sucked.

16. David Bowie.

My grandma dated David Bowie. She broke up with him because he looked better in skinny jeans than she did.

17. Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson.

I used to be related to Actress Kate Hudson through my 2nd cousin- the lead singer of the Black Crowes, Chris Robinson (and also his brother Rich). I spent Thanksgiving of 2003 in New York at Kate and Chris’s house when they were married. I ended up getting sick- so I slept in the guest room on the second floor. Kate came up, made me tea and toast, kind of tucked me in (I was 11) and was incredibly sweet to me. Chris I’ve met a couple times, I’m really close with his mom (my aunt). He’s ridiculously loud and is the center of attention, and his brother Rich, is much more reserved and quiet.

18. Lindsay Lohan.

I’m Lindsay Lohan’s cousin, she is a lot more self-conscious about what people say about her then you think, and when she fucks up it kills her.

19. Ty Burrell from Modern Family.

My dad lived in the same frat as Ty Burrell from Modern Family. My dad regards him highly.

20. John Mayer.

My father’s BFF growing up taught John Mayer guitar. He grew up in my town and it’s pretty unanimous that he’s a complete and total douche. I feel like that shouldn’t be surprising though.

21. James Arnold Taylor.

My uncle is James Arnold Taylor: Tidus in Final Fantasy X(“HA HA HA HA HAAAAA”), Ratchet in Ratchet & Clank, Obi-Wan Kenobi in the various Clone Wars series, Fred Flintstone and Johnny Test. He is one of the most kind hearted, loving and honest people I’ve ever met.

22. Wilco.

One of my good friend’s dad is the front man of Wilco. Nicest guy ever.