Throw My Android Into The Grand Canyon, I Don’t Want It!
Mat Devine, frontman for Kill Hannah, was so unhappy with his Android phone that he tweeted asking one of his many followers to do him a favor and throw it into the Grand Canyon. And it’s a wacky world because someone agreed to do exactly that!
We have all the proof. First, Mat Devine’s initial tweets condemning his Android and asking for the Grand favor:
my phone is an ancient piece of shit. maybe even literally. #g2x #Android
— mat devine ☂ (@matdevineslife) March 13, 2013
And here is a woman agreeing to this great idea:
And so a package was dispatched bearing the despised Android. Here is that package:
And within that package, a letter from Mat Devine to his gracious and Grand-Canyon-adjacent fan:
The text of that letter:
From the Desk of Mat Devine
Los Angeles, CA.
5.16.13
Dear Alicia,
Enclosed please find my LG Android G2x and gas money.
I bitterly regret that fateful afternoon when the silver-tongued salesman in Tribeca dazzled and conned me into paying $600 for it.
Since then, this albatross of a phone has given me nothing but anguish, disappointment and acute self-loathing. Due to its mammoth size and weight, glacially slow processor, fruit-fly battery life, janky-ass camera, incompatibility with anything non-PC, and propensity to freeze several times a day, my disgust for this device cannot be overstated.
A simple burial by landfill is too benign and dignified an end for this beastly, medieval relic. The sense of emotional closure that I need can only come from a death that is much more… poetic.
Were I a richer man, I would train my Danish Hound to take a shit on it, have my valet chop it to pieces with his sabre, then feed the heap to a wild pack of frothing rats and coconut crabs. but, ALAS, I haven’t the resources. …Yet.
Therefore, I’m entrusting you with a mission that is vital to my peace of mind:
1. Drive with great haste to the Grand Canyon and approach the edge of a deep chasm
2. Approach the edge of a deep chasm.
3. Remove any component that may cause harm to the environment.
4. State these words: “Demon Android, I bid you leave this mortal realm and return to the putrid fires of Hades (or possibly Korea) from whence you were forged. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.”
5. Finally, and with great prejudice, please spit on the phone and throw its vile shell into the abyss.
For good measure, kindly document the process with a real phone. (Any Apple product will do.)
Godspeed.
Mat Devine
And what happened next? Well, see for yourself below. Bye bye you miserable old Android!
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMSKsbcD9y4&w=584&h=390]