Gonna go ahead and share my deepest sexual regret, no throwaway because fuck it.
I generally just used tinder as something to do when i’m bored, judge some random people based on their looks and see if they think i’m attractive as well. I rarely ever messaged girls i was matched with, and if i did it was usually a joke.
I was sending out some some messages and one girl ended up replying, I dont recall the pickup line but i think it was a pretty vulgar one, and she pretty much replied and said she was down, and we could meet up the next day to hook up
Now i was a little sketched out obviously, but i’m not exactly the most wholesome guy, and im no stranger to random hookups, so fuck it, might as well. She wanted to meet in the morning, before she had to go to work, which i thought was pretty weird, but whatever, easy pussy.
Now in her tinder profile, she really wasnt too bad, wasnt too hot, but do-able. I pull up to her place that morning to pick her up, and my heart sinks, shes got a weird limp to her, and shes much different than her pictures. Shes a bit bigger, and had a face like Gary Busey.
My first reaction is to run, put the car in drive and peel out of there and get out while i still can, but i was frozen. I may be a heartless asshole, but even i’m not bad enough to do that, drive off immediately after seeing her, imagine how bad she would feel.
She gets in the car, i struggle to make some small talk, and we drive out into the country to do the deed. It was an incredibly awkward drive, but i eventually found a spot to park and we went at it.
I’m not exactly a sex god, but i’m usually not terrible either, but for whatever reason, I came after probably 30 seconds, something i hadnt done since my first time, which I was okay with, because it was over, I can’t imagine what it woulda been like if i had to go longer.
Anyway, we had the longest most awkward car ride back, i dropped her off at her house, and went back to my dorm, where i immediately stripped down, hopped in the shower, and sat down and cried for a minute or two. We obviously never spoke again.
I’ve had a lot of random hookups, none ever affected me like that.
Tinder, never again.
More From Thought Catalog