Found on AskReddit.
When parents bring their small kids (infants and toddlers) to late night movies just so the parents can see the movie, thus ruining it for everyone else when the kid inevitably wakes up and starts crying.
Edit: Just to clarify…if your kids are well behaved and can sit through a movie without crying, jumping on the seats, etc., do what you want! I am only complaining about parents who bring kids to the movies who clearly aren’t ready for that environment.
When the theater is almost completely empty…and people sit right beside me.
Teenagers at a horror movie. loud noise AHHHH!! Omg so scary!!!laughs hysterically.
Try living in China!!
They bring outside, smelly foods which they noisily eat.
They answer phone calls DURING the film.
They talk to each other DURUNG the film.
Worse, most annoying yet is as the movie is ending there is tension in the air as they are packing up and itching to leave. The second the film ends, the second the actor says the final words the lights come on and it’s a mad rush to the door. OH, there is a scene at the end of the credits? Tough, you ain’t watching it.
The fucking food man. Why do they only sell noisy food at the cinema? Here is your popcorn, nachos, crisps, crunchy sweets and chainsaw to make some more fucking noise as well.
Oh man, I’ve been waiting for a thread like this:
People who talk/text/check their phone during a film. If you need to check the time and don’t have a watch, at least hold your phone down by your side and look for 1/50 of a second. Just THINK. I love film festivals for this, because they have a zero-tolerance policy on phones. I was at a screening once and someone just shouted “TURN YOUR PHONE OFF, YOU CUNT!” and everyone cheered, it was hilarious.
Also just because there’s a gap in the dialogue, that does not make it OK to talk. I am trying to soak in the entirety of the movie and you’re fucking ruining it.
When I was at Cannes last year industry folk even talked through screenings, couldn’t fucking believe it.
A few times I’ve seen people whose phone clearly vibrated as they had a call. Rather than leave the screen and call them back, they answer the call WHILE THEY’RE LEAVING. FOR FUCKS SAKE, have some consideration you absolute cunt.
All the fucking ASSHOLES who wait until the movie has started to open their cans of drink/packets of crisps. Seriously, how do they not have the foresight to do it 30 seconds earlier?
People who think it’s OK to talk through the opening studio signatures. We may not miss any story but the movie’s score usually plays over these idents and helps convey mood and set the atmosphere, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP.
People who get uppity because you’ve politely asked them to be quiet. Nobody likes being told off, but just accept you were an asshole and be quiet, then we’re all happy. If you get defensive about being a dick, it’s gon’ get ugly.
People who intentionally kick your seats or have nervous leg syndrome and do it somehow without knowing.
People clapping at the end of a movie. Unless you’re at a film festival where the talent are there or live in the US, this is just plain weird.
People who bring a noisy baby to the cinema. If your seed can’t be quiet, they shouldn’t fucking be here. I swear, if I brought a kid to the cinema and she kept talking, I’d just cover their mouth with my hand.
If you’re coughing and spluttering all over the place, FUCKING GO HOME. It’s noisy and unhygienic.
Don’t take your goddamn shoes off if you’re not wearing any socks. How can I concentrate on the dumb dog and snooty cat’s romance if all I can smell is your foul cheddar?
Cinema chains forcing 3D screenings down your throat and only doing like 1 2D screening per day at a stupidly inconvenient time for most people.
Foreigners who go to see a film to improve their English and constantly confer throughout the movie about what’s going on. I had this a lot when I used to live in London.
Seeing a horror movie at the cinema is always a tricky experience. It attracts a lot of teens who will nervously laugh during the quiet, tense portions, which in turn completely ruins the atmosphere. This has ruined pretty much every horror movie I’ve seen over the last 5 years that hasn’t been at a film festival.
People who turn up half-way through a movie. Seriously, why even bother? Try and get a refund and see another screening.
Cinema staff who leave the screen doors open when a movie is ending. I arrived early for a screening of A Serious Man and the ending of the movie was somewhat ruined for me because some absent-minded butthole left the doors open from the previous showing. It dawned on me what was happening but I couldn’t move away fast enough.
People who leave when a movie has nearly finished. Again, short of an emergency (which you shouldn’t know about as your phone should be OFF), why leave early if you’re paying to be there?
Putting their feet up on the seats. Have some respect for the decor, please.
People who won’t go to the cinema on their own. Get over yourselves!
I have a buddy who won’t sit anywhere but the aisle seat because he’s allergic to other people. Pathetic!
Turning their noses up at people bringing their own food/drink. I’m sorry, but the ticket prices are too fucking much, so yes, I’m not going to buy your overpriced, shitty food and drink. My local Odeon charges £4.95 for a single can of Gin & Tonic, when I can go to the corner shop round the corner and get 3 for £5, which I’m pretty sure is where they buy them from anyway.
Assigned seating. It’s annoying and my local Cineworld doesn’t make it clear which row is which, so if people try to come in once the trailers have started, they haven’t got a clue where they’re going.
If you’re going to a cinema with assigned seating, SIT IN YOUR FUCKING ASSIGNED SEAT. Otherwise the next person has to sit in a different seat, which sets off an awkward and confusing chain of events on a packed opening night.
TL;DR: do anything but breathe and I will apparently hate you.
EDIT: I’m not unhinged, I promise. I just love going to the cinema and hate that people, especially youngsters, are so self-involved and lacking in respect for the medium that they take such a big shit on the experience for others.
There really is nothing like a lunch time, week day screening of a movie to really unwind. You can get the perfect middle-middle seat for the best view/sound, and normally you’ll be completely alone and MAYBE there will be one or two elderly folk who will keep quiet. Bliss.
EDIT 2: Thanks for all the feedback and keeping this going. And for those who say I take movies too seriously? I don’t pay £10 a pop for some asshole to ruin my experience. And movies are a huge part of my life, so I don’t want someone shitting on it.
Also home cinema isn’t really a solution for me because I am incredibly impatient and will see most movies on day of release if not soon after. Ain’t gonna wait 4 months.
I work at one! Here are the most common complaints.
1) Feet – You’d be surprised at what people do with their feet in a theater. I have seen, with my own eyes, people with their bare feet sticking through the space between the chairs approximately 6″ away from other peoples faces. Kicking peoples chairs. Refusing to move their feet off the rails behind the wheelchair spot when a someone in a wheelchair comes in, because they’re “comfy”.
2) Too many people in a theater – I’ve had 67834x complaints were people showed up late for a movie, and was shocked that it was full. Maybe if you would’ve showed up on time you would’ve got better seats.
3)Talking/Texting – I’ve had drunk people screaming, babies crying, teenager who think they’re cool, and more! Also walked in on kids -usually around 5-10- just sitting in the middle of the theater playing on a tablet or DS.
4)Prices – I don’t make the prices. The reason is mainly because we get very little to no money of ticket sales.
5) The movies we get – Most of the time we’re told what movies we get, what time to play them, and what theater they’re in. I live in a small town, so we’re not going to get your limited release artsy movie most of the time.
That’s all I have for now, because I have to got to work. Sorry for spelling and grammar. I can fix it, and add more later. I’ll give some weirder ones though.
This is a rare one, but I must address it:
When a theater plays a classic movie, or even a movie that is really high profile… and super fans come and recite the ENTIRE fucking thing out loud.
By me, they play Ghostbusters around Halloween time, and people go there and fucking recite all the “hit” lines out loud. “I collect spores, molds, and fungus.” “If there’s a steady paycheck involved, I’ll believe anything you say.”
Or sometimes they play Monty Python, and it’s the same shit… people reciting lines out loud. What the fuck?
When I went to see The Simpsons Movie, there was a guy that must have seen it a hundred times sitting over my shoulder who would say the line like… 3 seconds before it’s said in the movie. I had to turn around and say, “Excuse me, this is our first time seeing this, please don’t do that.” He stopped and like, 20 minutes later he started again and I had to keep looking back.
Like I said, it’s a rare specimen… but 1000x more obnoxious than a crying baby or a cell phone glare.
The last movie theater I went to had love seats instead of the normal seats. It is known as a “date theater” kind of place.
Anyway, there was semen all over.
The fact that there are people there pisses me off. A home theater is a wise investment.
Fucking clapping. Why the hell are you clapping at the end of a movie? It makes sense if you are at like the first screening with the cast and shit, but if you are watching in you’re home town’s movie theatre why the shit are you clapping? No one who had anything to do with making the movie is there!
When the time says that the movie starts at 1:05 but really doesn’t start until 1:25.
The prices. Not only is it expensive to get in but if you wanna eat your gonna spend a fortune. Even a matinee you may pay lower ticket fee but the food prices don’t go down.
Other people’s fucking children, in a movie not aimed towards kids.
I have kids. When we went to Despicable Me, and How to train Your Dragon, there were kids yapping. Whatever. It’s a kid movie.
Now, went I went to The Conjuring and had to listen to someone’s kid, that pissed me off. What the hell is wrong with you that you’d bring a kid to that movie?!
If I go to an adult movie, I go because I DON’T WANT TO BE AROUND KIDS. I arranged for mine to be somewhere, and I sure as hell don’t want to listen to yours.
Also, that guy who comments on everything. “That’s so unrealistic! Derp derp derp,”
I dumped a bucket of popcorn on that dude once. Best $12 I ever spent.
When people come late to the movie and walk all the way to the top to find seats. Chances are there aren’t any so take your self down to the botton or come earlier.
Lack of quality control. Multiplexes give no fucks. I can’t control rude patrons, but if I’m paying for a ticket and some popcorn, the speakers had better be working and the polarizing cap had better be off the damn lens (if it’s not 3D, obviously).
When films were still shown on film, projectionists gave a damn. There was a person in the booth keeping an eye out for problems. Digital projection takes the quality control away, and theater managers typically give no fucks. Seriously. I’ve demanded booth access before to fix problems.