Unless you get lucky and meet “the one,” college relationships pretty much suck. Here are 10 very relatable, hopefully somewhat laughable reasons why. Enjoy, my fellow collegiates:
1. Is monogamy even a thing?
When people are young, dumb, hormonal, and have plenty of options, cheating is a pretty common thing. And if no one’s cheating, they probably have feelings for like at least three different people. Win-win situation, right?
2. Let’s avoid labels like the plague.
God forbid anyone say the words “boyfriend” and “girlfriend.” Dear Jesus, that would just be the end of the world as we know it!
3. You’re a Grade-A ass around your friends.
Someone’s always got to act differently around their friends…and NOT in a good way—more like a “You make me want to drop-kick you all the way to China” kind of way.
4. Shit, I’ve caught the feels!
Whether you’re hooking up or actually dating, “the feels” never seem to be a good thing because, let’s face it—whoever cares less has the upper hand.
5. Breakups are never a private matter.
This is probably because: A) you made your relationship Facebook official to get those 70-something likes and cute, congratulatory comments; and B) you will see your ex pretty much every time you step outside of your dorm (especially if you attend a small college).
6. I’m going to completely ignore you, but I really do like you!
Here I am crushing on you and acting like you don’t exist. I should be pretty successful doing this, right? Nope. Think again. This is middle-school crap, ladies and gents.
7. Hot & Cold.
I love you. I hate you. I’m actually just indecisive and immature. Basically the lyrics to Katy Perry’s hit song.
8. “Got a long list of ex-lovers…”
T-Swift said it right. Relationships in college are so fickle that you’re likely to end up with a long list of exes…many of whom will try to eff up any future relationships. Because, honestly who doesn’t want to make that list even longer?
9. My major is better than yours.
Now, this is one game everyone should refuse to play! Just because you’re Pre-Med and I’m Journalism and Mass Communication doesn’t make you smarter than me. Please don’t rub your knowledge of cellular respiration and reaction mechanisms in my face. Keep it up and you can kiss my ass goodbye!
10. Socioeconomic status shouldn’t matter.
I could care less than your daddy invented the freaking Toaster Strudel, Gretchen Weiner! Why should it be anyone’s goddamn business who has money and who doesn’t? This is a one-way ticket to a real-life Pretty in Pink, and I don’t think anyone has the time to deal with that degradation and heartbreak.