When he walked into my life unexpectedly, I was caught so off-guard that I threw caution to the wind and was too blinded to see the warning signs. When he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship, I kidded myself into thinking that I would be OK with it and that he might change his mind.
And he never did.
One fine day he simply disappeared, leaving me bewildered and broken.
I never got the closure which I needed and I tried my best to pick up the pieces, always questioning why and what I had done wrong for someone to leave so abruptly without a trace. For months, I was caught in a vicious cycle of self-torment because I could only blame myself for stubbornly believing in him when everything else was telling me otherwise.
I intended so much for this post to be something along the lines of “10 signs displayed by a man who fears commitment,” but ultimately, who was I trying to kid ?
Had he been utterly flawed I would have done so. However, despite him leaving me with a gaping wound, I’ve re-learned a few of life’s little lessons.
1. There is immense joy in doing the things you love.
Being a chef, he worked crazy long hours—6-7 days a week and often had only a day off to spare. Despite having pretty much no time for anything else, he never complained about his job and always spoke fondly of it even when he had bad days. (That being said, his social life took a backseat and that meant I was never on his list of priorities.)
2. A man can and will honor his word if he truly wants to.
There were promises he couldn’t keep and he told me straight out that he couldn’t. I had the impression he did not want to disappoint, but I should have known better then. I’ve learned that if a man wants to do something for you, he will get it done with all his heart. No excuses.
3. Sticking to your guns isn’t a sign of stubbornness if principles are not in question.
He and I had differing views on how kids should be brought up, how the education system should be, and how a country should be managed. I always felt he was too strong-headed to give in to me when he and I fought over our differing views. But when I look back now, it didn’t matter as much as before that we were standing on different grounds. All that counts is if a man has principles and strictly abides by them.
4. Divorce isn’t a solution.
All along I’ve been for resorting to divorce should a marriage fail. He, however, taught me that divorce should never be made a solution because it meant giving up on love for good.
5. Life is too short to be chasing after money.
He taught me to stop fussing and worrying over how much money I was earning and to instead find meaning and value in the things I was doing for a living and that the finer things in life do not have to come with a price.
6. Sometimes it’s OK to forgive yourself and let things go.
I always felt it was my fault somehow, that my personality was perhaps too much for him to take and that caused him to simply walk away. For many months afterward, I constantly beat myself up for playing a part in driving him away. This brought only more self-inflicted pain and I lost the confidence in letting someone in again.
Closure to an unfinished chapter is a choice.
You once made an impact in my life and left me with a few of life’s little lessons.
I should put an end to my self-induced guilt and simply let you go.