Maybe this is inspired by me maybe waking up LATE and in a horrible mood, only to find myself laying in the middle of a crime scene. And MAYBE it’s because my partner said all the WRONG things as we traveled in the car. And maybe, just maybe it’s because I am SICK AND TIRED of feeling like death.
I cannot be the only woman that doesn’t feel like I have to communicate with my partner on what he should and should not be doing while my “friend visits”. Why can’t he read my mind? My mood?? *insert laughter*. And guys if YOU are reading this because you’re lost and confused…let me help you…
1. She is allowed to be dramatic. You cannot imagine what it’s like to feel like 1000 midgets are stomping on your insides and poking at you with a knife. If she says she is dying…let her die….don’t tell her she’s being dramatic. WE ARE LITERALLY HAVING CONTRACTIONS.
2. Chocolate? Greasy Food? Soda? Give it to her. She shouldn’t even have to tell you what she needs. You need an emergency kit for such a time as this. If she tells you she is hungry….she means she wants ALL the junk that you can find. Don’t remind her she’s on a diet. WTF.
3. She is not crazy. Well at least on day 1 she is not. If she goes from laughing hysterically to crying in a matter of 15 minutes don’t you DARE call her crazy? We are allowed to feel however we want to feel. PMS is REAL!
4. She doesn’t want you to completely go away. Especially if you share a home. She wants her space so she can lay around and bleed and pass gas but she also wants to cuddle (when SHE feels like it). Just go to another room and wait for that sign that it’s safe to touch her.
5. This ain’t like the movies. She is not on today and off tomorrow. The average cycle lasts for 5 days. Yes, 5 days. We bleed without dying…just remember sir that YOU cannot do that.
6. Her wardrobe will consist of black or dark colored bottoms. And don’t you dare tell her to wear another color.
7. If you take her out, she will panic. There is no greater fear than being in public and the flood gates open. In her mind, everything is ruined. So she will panic, let her go.
8. Don’t even THINK about sex. Although YOU may want to “run the red light”, you should consider yourself lucky that she hasn’t stabbed you yet. This however is flexible, it has been proven that sex releases tension on the pelvic muscles which causes the cramps. But unless SHE wants it…you ain’t getting none bruh. She’s either really horny or “Don’t touch me!”
9. “I’m on my period” is a LEGIT excuse. Whether it’s in regards to grocery shopping or working out, if she says THAT she’s not being lazy, just let her be.
10. She will run out of protection. And you more than likely, will have to go buy it. As a matter of fact, she doesn’t even want to tell you that she’s out. Just have it ready.
11. GIVE HER A BREAK. Her uterus is literally shedding. Don’t look for dinner.
12. She wants STRONG drugs. Don’t believe the commercials, Midol isn’t that great. She wants something that will KNOCK her out.
13. She will bloat, and she will feel fat. And you better NOT mention it.
14. We need naps, and then more naps. If she is sleep, don’t wake her up. Even if the house is on fire…ok I’m kidding. But seriously ONLY wake her up if the house is on fire.
15. She is beautiful. And she wants to be told. Even if her hair is all over her head, and she has on pajamas she hoards for days like THIS!
16. Although periods suck, She is a woman and she is MAGIC. Not only do we bleed without dying, we create life in our wombs. We work all day, maintain a house, maintain our CHILDREN and still manage to find time to shower and change our pads or tampons. We are QUEENS!