1. His opinion is probably her opinion.
If you are in a small conversational debate about current events or even talking about something in pop culture and your friend is saying “Well, [insert boyfriend’s name here] thinks that…” or “Well, he says this, so I agree with him” take a step back. Let it sink in. Because sometimes this can be ambiguous because they might have the same opinions about things.
However, this is a good place to start and say “Do you really believe that? Is this something that you truly believe?” If those phrases continue, keep track. And see if her opinions ever sound like her own.
2. The endless strain of photos of him not her.
We all love Snapchat. We love the idea of seeing the snapshot of everyone’s life and the weird antics that they get into. And sometimes we get occasional pictures of your friends with their significant other while they go out on a date or are just lounging around. But if those pics from your friend are becoming more and more of their boyfriend then something is up. It is one thing if they are snapping them together, revealing their happiness. But if they are constantly sending you and your friends Snapchat’s of their boyfriend, naked and half asleep, or a visual representation of a “post-fornication” interaction, then say something. This can get a little bit uncomfortable if this is a new boyfriend and you have no idea what their intentions are. You have the ability to laugh it off because that is the normal interaction when it comes to awkward situations. But if you notice that the pictures are consistent, reach out.
3. Less sociable with your friend group, more sociable with just him.
It’s cute to have quirky jokes with the person you’re dating. It is totally fine to have a night in with them as well. But always take some time to have a girl’s night. You need time to complain about your relationships and just bitch about life. But if your friend is deciding to talk to their boyfriend and find boredom with your friend group then something needs to be addressed. Find a way to invite your friend out without their significant other. See how they take it. Friends are there to be a support group and a place for comfort. Remind this friend that you are there for that just so they won’t forget.
4. You sexually know what’s going on in their life without even asking.
Sex is a very powerful force of nature. Some say that a human’s basic needs are food, water, and sex. This gives you the idea that sex is somewhat necessary and should be explored to any extent. And we as females know that. We have the connotation that sex is in our hands and we have the ability to do what we want with it. You should have the means to explore your sexual actions with your significant other. But be mindful of your friend’s choice of words. If you find your friend being incredibly vocal about her sexual actions and you are not fully comfortable with it, communicate that issue. Because friends aren’t there to make you uncomfortable. You should be respectful of one’s wishes.
5. Her presence is dictated by his presence.
“Attached at the hip” is one of most horrifying relationship diseases out there. And being mindful of that can be beneficial to your friendship group. Try to show your friend that it is okay to have distance with their relationship. Being your own person and having that distance makes you a stronger person to begin with. Invite her places and remind her that is a “girl’s night only kind of night.” Laugh, smile, and say “Let’s just be single girls for once.”
6. Small Talk becomes Him-Talk.
Always know that it is okay to have the ability to express your feelings about things that are bothering you. Break ups, things that give you anxiety. Anything under the sun. It’s also okay to gossip a little too. But if you notice that the conversations are forever geared toward every single aspect of their relationship and not about your feelings, say something. Remind her that everyone’s emotions are valid too. The conversation cannot always be about him and his inability to care about things that you care about.
7. Ignores responsibilities.
Any person’s life is filled with obligations and challenges that we need to overcome in any way, shape, or form. A woman should never lose sight of the journey that she has come so far in. Be diligent in your life and never slack off. Your life and duties always need to be in your line of sight.
8. Ignores friends in general.
Cutting off people should not come with simplicity. There has to be a deep, emotional issue that has to be within you to just drop friends once they become “toxic.” Keep your friends close because in the end, they are there for a reason. Take time and step out of your relationship and see what is going on in the rest of the world. Be grateful for the people you have in your life, shunning them away, there will not be anyone there when you turn your back.
9. Can’t reason if he isn’t the reason.
Stubbornness is another cruel mistress that we all have to deal with in our lives. But your inclination to do something should not be done solely on the purpose that your boyfriend wants you to do it. This needs to be brought to the light in all fronts. Be considerate of what is good for you and only you. Don’t find excuses to be someone that he wants you to be. Reason with the passion that you have in yourself.
10. His goals are her future.
It is great to show pride in your significant other’s accomplishments, goals, and the overall successes in their life. But it shouldn’t be his success that makes you happy. There should be that passion of your own dreams and fears of the future within your own self that will get you through your endless days. As the powerful and relentless Dr. Christina Yang once said, “Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He’s very dreamy. But he’s not the sun. You are.”