Maybe you’ve heard it before, “You’re too intense, too concerned, too emotional, too much.” Descriptions often followed by, “You need to learn how to relax, live in the moment, and just be.”
Our lives are built around the relationships we make along the way, whether they be professional, platonic, or romantic. This isn’t just about the person you’ve written off or the person who left you. It’s about all the interactions you’ve lost sleep over.
I imagine you’ve asked yourself if there’s something wrong with the way you’re wired. Maybe you’ve questioned your own sanity and quality of life, repeating the same actions, only to leave you wondering if there is a different way to live.
Perhaps you feel alone.
Or maybe you’ve had so many failed endeavours that you’ve convinced yourself that you must be the problem. Then one day, a breath so refreshing comes through like crisp mountain air. You realize there is nothing wrong with who you are. There is no right or wrong way to be. There are simply those who understand you and those who don’t.
You’ve come to terms with the fact that you cannot change the opinion of others. Yet time and time again, you’ve found yourself replaying every interaction in your head, wondering what you could have done differently: Where did I go wrong? Why did I say that? Why did I do that? What can I do to mend this? You’ve written stories in your head of what they must think of you. You’ve felt shame while recycling each apology, but we both know you’re not sorry—it’s a courtesy.
You don’t have to apologize for being “too much.” It’s not a quality that you need to work on, it’s a quality that you need to embrace.
You are not wrong for wanting to feel more and to be more. You have an ability to sense and absorb everything around you. Those who deem this reckless, excessive, or unattractive will never understand what it’s like to be you or me. It will only be a wasted effort going through the complexities to someone on the outside; the reality is, they will never grasp the needs and desires we feel so passionately every day.
So, be “too much”—too generous, too carefree, too resolved.