Some Things I Want To Say To My Younger Self

I know you will not want to listen to me. Or want to believe me. You will not want to get your hopes up because, at this point in our lives, whenever we get our hopes up, we will get crushed and disappointed. Your coping mechanism for that is not ideal, but it works for you. But, that is not the focus right now. Right now, I just want you to take a second and hear me out. Just listen and just breathe.

I want you to know that you are going to be okay. You are going to be more than okay. More than great. It will be wonderful. You will not even know what it was that hit you until you wake up one morning and not feel dead. You won’t even realize it at first. You will be able to smile freely. And laugh. You will be so surprised the first time you roll over and feel excited to start the day. Sure, sometimes it is a struggle to maintain and not fall backward. But you will be fine.

I want you to know that you are going to get hurt. Pain is nothing new though so it will be easy. The worst pain is behind you. Take the hurt in stride. The wounds heal quickly and leave no scars. People are going to be nasty to you. You will get taken advantage of. You will be terrified at points. You will go hungry. You will struggle. You will cry yourself to sleep. You will scream. You will have your dreams seemingly shattered. It will hurt. But, again, we have been through worse. And, we always come out alive.

I want you to know that you are going to be lost. You will get lost on that path of yours. It gets awful to try and keep going. You will be in a dark pit a few times. But you always figure out how to get out of it. I won’t reveal how because I am not here to give out spoilers like that. I am just here to give small tidbits that I know you need to hear, even if you refuse to listen. You’ll find a path that is amazing in the end.

I want you to know that it gets better. I want you to know that you get better. You are nowhere near ready to believe that, but I desperately need to tell you that. Goodness gracious do you need to hear that. People say it all the time. It does not sound true, but it is! There are not enough words to explain how heavenly it feels. It will take a lot of sacrifices to get there; it is scary to stand up for yourself. Once you do…. Once you do that, no one stops you ever again. Ever. You will be ready. You will walk with your head held high.

I know you need to hear that. You are not there yet in life. It’s fine. You refuse to listen half the time anyway. You have more important things to worry about. Bigger demons talking to you. That’s fine. You’ll conquer them sooner rather than later. Trust me. I won’t tell you how. Just know that you manage to beat them into submission.

Soo… With all that being said, I wanted to take a second and share something with you that you never thought possible. Something you never allowed yourself to consider. Something that you always believed would never happen.

I want you to know that you will find love in the greatest of men. You will fall for him. Hard. So, so, so very hard. And, guess what? He is going to fall for you as well. Guess what else? He is going to love you for you. You are going to have the most handsome of men by your side. You are going to have a man that will adore you the way you are. He will become your best friend. He will brave your demons with you – literally! He is going to pass you the sword to help slay them or pass you the shackles to place them in prison. He is going to hold you when you cry, when you break down when your anxiety is crippling, and when you are so painfully insecure. He is going to be yours. I need you to know that you will have a man that does not care if you have hairy legs, have a squishy belly, or are super short. He will have eyes only for you. He’s everything and more.

Listen. I know this is a lot. I know you are hardcore on the struggle bus. But it is only a temporary ride. I wish I could go back and tell you what not to do. I wish I could fix all the dreadful bits. But I can’t. You got this. I just needed to tell you some stuff. Again, I know you shall not believe me. But…

You have no clue what you are in for. Stick around. Find out. You will be glad you did.