4 Steps To Winning A Breakup

These days there are teenagers breaking up at the beginning of every season, and it’s hard to keep up. Your sister is on the phone with her long-time boyfriend one night, and the next night you can hear her muffled cries from the bedroom next door. Breakups happen, and I am going to tell you how to win every time.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Step One: When you and your significant other break up, you are both going to text each other occasionally and see how each other are doing. Do NOT do this. The reasoning for this is because you are supposed to be ridding yourself of this person from your mind at all costs! If you text them, that puts you right on track to the crummy relationship that you just got out of. You need to delete their contact from their phone so that when they text you, you can reply with a simple, “Who is this?” which will really hurt them.

Step Two: You are bound to see this person hanging around sometime, whether it is a school, work, a party, etc. When you see this person, you have two options: First, you can hide behind something, hoping like hell that they didn’t see you and wonder if they did for the rest of the week or you could walk up them, and straight up ask how they are doing with the smile of a champion. If you ask how they are doing and you smile rather than look like you have been eating ice cream and watching Nicholas Sparks movies all week you have the upper hand, and they will be CRUSHED.

Step Three: Delete them from all of the social media sites that you have, (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, etc.) If you do this, you don’t have to wonder how things could have been and why you guys are breaking up. What you are doing is quitting this person cold turkey like they are heroin or something, and you are in rehab for that bad shit.

Step Four: Move on. Yes, you need to put yourself back on the market and get over this other person. A lot of people make the mistake of letting themselves be single for a long time after the recent break-up. This is a horrible idea because what is going to happen is that you are going to get lonely and go right back to that ex and make the same mistake. Plus, it will totally make your ex jealous that you moved on so fast.

Just a few tips to get back at that jerk that broke your heart. TC mark

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