It was about 6pm when I got back to the hotel, and I hadn’t started crying yet. She helped me drop my bags off, and commented on how nice the place was. “Yeah it is nice” I said. Then we took the key card, got in an elevator and in silence made our way to Harujuku station. We were about to walk down Takeshita St, nicknamed Takeshita hell by our Korean friends, when she smiled and pulled me aside. “I don’t want to go down there again,” she had said. So we took side streets. There was a Harajuku roll place, which is essentially just sells crepes with ice-cream. She pointed at them smiling, I said that I was ok, but she could go ahead. Her smile went and we kept walking in silence until we got to the station. She asked the man in Japanese how to get to the airport and bought a ticket. From that point of buying a ticket we had 3 minutes left with each other and the clock was counting. She started crying, we hugged. Really firmly.
“Am I going to see you when you get back?” she asked.
“I’m sure you will eventually,” I said. She buried her head into my neck. “I love you I said,” she made loud crying sounds and said it back to me, then she squeezed my shoulder and said “so much.”
When she turned to walk away she didn’t look back. She always does this, and I always watch her hoping that she does. Like in the movies. But that time, like every time, she never looked back. I turned when she’d disappeared completely and leant up against the wall and watched as the train pulled up, and then pulled away.
On my way back to the hotel I bought a Harujuku roll. It felt wrong though, and it made me feel sick, so I threw it out half eaten. I just kept thinking that she was leaving Tokyo, and I had denied her the right to experience the last piece of it. It felt like i’d stolen the Harujuku role from from her. When I did get back to the Hotel, about an hour later, I got my laptop out and tried to write. I couldn’t. I checked my wallet to see how much cash I had left. I had about 2,000 yen. I put on some T.V. and then I noticed a little box on the left of it. I stood up and looked at it. It was a small black box, connected to the T.V. which had a card slot. I tried to put my credit card in, but it wouldn’t fit. There was a small sticker that said vending machine in the hallway, and then again in Japanese.
I went out to the hallway without shoes on. There was a vending machine right near the lift asking for 1000 yen bills. I put the money in. I have 1,000 yen left for my dinner. It spat out a card and I took it back to my room and put it in the TV. No immediate changes. I flick around until I get to something pretty new. I didn’t have these before. Two porn channels. So I choose one and jerk off. The porno playing is about a girl who’s in the mens onsen, then a man comes in, she shrieks and runs out. He giggles and says something in Japanese which I interpreted as something like “ha ha she’ll be back because i have a massive cock.” She comes back and they do the deed and it’s all good. I’ve never watched the plots before but I didn’t really feel like doing much else. So I sat there and even after I came I kept watching. I watched right till the end and then waited for the next film.
This one was about a school teacher who has sex with one of his students, and he’s pretty mean about it too. He kind of tells her what to do but she doesn’t really want to and it’s all kind of worrying, so I change the channel to some game show or something. I lay there for another couple of minutes feeling pretty sad and lonely. The porn channels are calling to me, so I go back to them. This time there is 40 year old woman who’s just having casual sex with some young gentleman, I missed most of the plot, but I jerk off again. Now that the young stud is finished having sex she goes back into some kind of dungeon, the japanese cum shot? No don’t worry the cum shot was there too.
In the moments in between jerking off I go back to thinking about that girl who left today. She was the love of my life, and she broke up with me. I guess i’m winning the break up though because I haven’t cried yet, and I’ve already cum twice.
I laid there for a bit longer waiting for the next film to start so I could jerk off again, I was pretty surprised that I was still able to get hard, I’d hardly had breaks. But it was hurting a little bit. I was also hoping for some tentacle porn or hentai or something just really Japanese. That would complete the image, I’m sure I could get hard to it. If not I could just swap channels. But alas nothing came on, I was stuck with really boring porn. Hotel Porn. I don’t know how many times I jerked off but I’d been there for about three hours before I decided to go for dinner.
I got a train to Shinjuku, quite a while away. There’s a restaurant that was really nice, my now ex-girlfriend and I had eaten there just a month ago. I went and sat down in the same spot that we sat a month ago. And I sat opposite where she was a month ago, and I was suddenly aware that she wasn’t there. But I didn’t cry yet, I ordered some food instead, and a beer. Sapporo, and I poured it into a glass and drank out of that. I can’t remember what the food was but I ate it and ordered another drink, a cocktail, I thought I felt like a Margarita. It came and I took two sips, but it wasn’t what I felt like. So I left it. It turned out to be more then a thousand yen (because of the margarita), so I paid on card and went beck to the hotel room.
When I got back I put on the porn again and just kept jerking off so I didn’t think about her. It didn’t hurt either, and eventually I just started staying hard. I don’t remember much coming out, but I don’t remember being dry either, I just remember not being lonely. And I remember not crying. And I remember falling asleep really quickly at around 6am. But before that I went for a walk through Harajuku. I walked through a now quiet Takeshita street, down to Otomosando, where the Prada, and the Louis, and the Hawaiian breakfast place which is always busy is. I went to spots where we had been together, and I went to things that we’d laughed at together. I walked up to our friends apartments but didn’t go in, or call. Then I walked back to the hotel, and fell asleep while the TV light and the porn covered me with a blanket.