I’m 20-Years-Old And I’m Tired (But I’m Going To Keep Fighting)

woman with arms over face
Norman Toth

Happy birthday to me. Alone in my room I cried.

A birthday’s supposed to be great, you were supposed to be here. I was supposed to look into your eyes and see pride. But today you failed. You failed me once again.

Happy birthday to me. I’ve turned 20 today. A little older, maybe a little wiser. 20 years of my life, I’ve fought the battle. The battle wounds are evidence of my fight.

20 years and I’m tired.

Tired of all the slamming doors, the passive-aggressiveness. I’m tired of feeling the lack of money or just you blaming me over the little things. I’m tired of the lack of communication, how you shut down whenever I try to talk things out.

20 years and I’m tired.

I’m tired of being the mum and dad to the sisters whom I love. I’m tired of taking on your roles and growing up too fast. 20 years and I need a break.

But looking back in retrospect, remembering all the times I cried, I remember the strength and how I tried. How I tried to pick myself back up time and time again. Tried to fight harder. Tried to trust.

Little by little, God showed me who I was, who I was meant to be. Little by little, He mended the broken pieces of my heart. He showed me what love was supposed to be.

He named me after strength, courage, and boldness. Painted a picture of a lion in my heart. He called me worthy and beautiful.

Even when I failed time and time again, His mercies remained. He loved me still.

20 years of my life, tired, worn out, but not defeated. I’m broken, but not beyond repair. Tired, but not crushed. I’ve fought the battles, but I’m not destroyed.

20 years of my life and I will keep fighting, knowing that there’s someone who fights for me. TC mark

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