Monday is like touching a scalding hot seatbelt buckle. It’s dropping your toast, jelly side down or making toast and realizing you’re out of jelly. Monday is the opposite of bacon and the first cousin of black licorice. Sometimes you can convince yourself that there’s a bright side — for example, those feelings of new week, fresh start motivation that linger for 30-45 minutes until you actually interact with that first customer, or your Dwight Schrute-esque co-worker irritates you, then it’s back to dreading four more days of these horrors.
Honestly I’m not sure why Tuesdays don’t get more flak for sucking like a Dyson vacuum, but if I had to guess, I’m betting the mass Taco Tuesday festivities across the globe play a role in softening the blow of its criticism. Taco Tuesday is cool and all, but eating delicious food doesn’t necessarily change a crappy situation.
Would you happily experience waterboarding for the next 96 hours if spoonfuls of Nutella were being served before the torturing commenced? I know what you’re thinking — how big of a spoon are we talking here? — but I promise you it’s not worth it. Look, here’s the bottom line: Tuesday is still within the first half of the week, making it impossible for a work hating individual to feel anything other than disappointed… And gassy – y’know, from the tacos.
Based on its SLOW, uphill feeling, Wednesday should be renamed Weeeeeeeedneeeeeeeeesdaaaaaay. All co-workers and shoppers and callers and clients and humans you interact with are suffering from the same, I’m-over-it type feeling. That lingering mood gives Wednesdays at work the dull, ‘why me?’ vibe of drawing the middle seat on a lengthy flight or realizing post-shower that you’ve got to poop.
There is a little bit of hope because everyone is awaiting the freedom that is looming. Seeing friends, drinking adult beverages, hitting the town or staying home to binge watch Game of Thrones – all we know is that weekend is coming. Thursdays create a happier environment, much like a kid on Christmas who is 24 hours or so away from glory. Thursday is probably the most bearable day of the workweek when you hate your job Why not Friday? Well, because…
Friday (BEFORE 5 P.M.)
Every single waking moment spent at work on Friday is excruciating. We’re too close to freedom to focus long enough to accomplish significant work, yet we’re liable to do something considering we’re still on the clock. Time is a turtle riding a snail, covered in molasses – in other words, agonizingly slow. You can almost taste that first beer of the weekend and feel the couch under your exhausted body – wait, no, you’ve still got spreadsheets and papers and responsibilities. This day will drag and you’ll feel as if you’re stuck in a never ending episode of The Twilight Zone. It’s brutal when all you want is to begin those 2 1/2 days or so of freedom. But when they do eventually arrive, don’t blink because you might miss ’em.
Afterwork on Fri+Sat&Sun
These three days mush together and last for what feels like a total of seven hours. Also, Sunday at around 4 P.M. you’ll find it difficult to even enjoy yourself because you’re well aware that 40 hours (or more) of work responsibilities are waiting for you on the other side of the sun, chomping at the bit for another bite of your soul.