Chuckle arrogantly and condescendingly reply, “Did you just ask ‘what are you doing with YOU’RE life?’ — it’s YOUR, dude. I could tell you used the wrong form by the way you pronounced it.”
Beat around the bush by saying things like “Huh?” or “Define doing?” until you can come up with some high quality BS lie to feed ‘em.
Tell the asker that you’ve been doing various types of marketing, then invite them to join your company for a $300 startup fee, making them the first member of your newly devised pyramid scheme.
Adopt the Rick Grimes approach by saying, with a great deal of annoyance and the utmost conviction, “I’m doing stuff. Thaaangs.”
Without hesitation, when the final word of that question, “…. life?” comes out of their mouth, turn your body in the opposite direction and run. Full on sprint.
Tell them to look up the lyrics to all of LMFAO’s music, as they pretty much cover the story of your recent life.
Fake a smile so that you seem happy and say, “So much, I don’t even know how I got here – but first things first, would you like to add on a drink and make that a combo?”
Ask for a moment of privacy to go cry tears of self-loathing shame, but request that they return in a half hour to engage in one-on-one, physical combat for asking such a heinous question.
“Mom, seriously it’s too early for your hassling, get off my back and let me sleep.” Then pull your covers over your head and continue napping, even though it’s noon on a weekday.
Flip the script on them… And by that I mean alter the quote from a film, specifically Batman Begins, declaring dramatically, “It’s not what I do, but who I am beneath that defines me.”
Steal a quote from the Joker.
Give them access to your web history, which is essentially a detailed account of what you’ve been doing with life.
Turn the tables. Literally. Flip the table over (preferably on top of the inquirer) and get the hell out of there.
Over eagerly ask, “Why?! Are you wanting to hang out or something??? Because I’m totally free this weekend… and for like, the next 2-3 months or so!”
Begin describing the life of your favorite, successful television character. Even if they figure out what you’re doing, be adamant about your claims. (I’d roll with Vincent Chase from Entourage.)
Say “I’m doing more than INSERT NAME OF THAT PERSON FROM HIGH SCHOOL WHO IS JUST DOING AWFUL IN EVERY ASPECT OF LIFE.” Then proceed to pile more verbal crap on that person from high school who is just doing awful in every aspect of life.
Ask if they’d like to smell your fingers and find out firsthand. It’s going to be awkward, yes, but that’s what the get for being nosey and asking how you’re doing.
Start with, “Well what had happened was…” followed up by a detailed description of your setbacks over the past 5-10 years.
Print this article out, hand it to ‘em and tell them to take their pick.