When you’re romantically involved with a person and high levels of comfort develop, it’s easy to start coasting. This smooth-sailing manner consists of two lovers so cozy in their situation that they activate autopilot mode. There’s nothing wrong with relaxing, and in fact, feeling that secure with another person is what we all really want. But there’s a potential downside that often catches couples off guard.
They’re cruising down the road, gliding through life rather effortlessly when suddenly they hit a snag. The wheels on this luxury vehicle of content have a flat tire. And being that the pair wasn’t prepared for this type of setback, they may not have a car jack – or even a spare tire for that matter. So when you think everything’s peachy, but it abruptly goes awry and you don’t have the tools to fix it, what do you do?
We can call friends (who serve as our AAA) and they might be able to guide us or provide the necessary assistance to get the wheels on the car going round-and-round again. And that’s all fine and dandy, but it’s important to know how to get out of a rut, or should I say, ‘change a flat’ for yourself — alongside your significant other.
Often times the tire popping, sharp objects are visible on the road in front of us, but we’re too busy cruising to make an effort to dodge them. The important thing to remember is that they’re unique to every couple. You’ve got to combine yourself with your boyfriend/girlfriend, form one — then take pride in the syndicated personality y’all are. It’s imperative that the two people be confident in their own skin, because the things that are considered obstacles for blah blah and so-and-so aren’t necessarily an issue for everyone else.
For example, when two people begin wearing their weekend sweats Monday thru Friday, watching a crazy amount of Netflix, and ordering in for dinner, many consider them dull. Opinionated outsiders believe that these homebody tendencies lead to a monotonous relationship – and sometimes they might. Now to me personally, that sounds uh-mazing. If you don’t enjoy comfortable pants, Chinese food, pizza, movies or TV show marathons, there might be something wrong with you. As appealing as it may sound, the fact of the matter is that it can grow tedious to some, which then leads down a troublesome road.
Of course there’s pairs who are the polar opposite. They enjoy being out and about. They’re the couple who spends their weekends dancing, taking shots, slamming beers and enjoying the bar/club scene. For some, being in love doesn’t mean no more partying – it just means that they have a sidekick to rage with. Just like with a calmer couple, this can reach a point where those involved question how much is too much?
There might even be couples in between who have a well balanced diet of both indoor and outdoor festivities, and that’s great too. Ultimately, too much of anything can be unhealthy, but it’s not the direct cause of ruts. These ruts rear their ugly head, not because two people are comfortable with each other. Not because a couple spends time doing what feels right or makes them happy. These ruts appear when two people allow their relaxation to turn from standing, to sitting, to dozing off, to a lengthy nap, then to a full-blown deep sleep.
When we give up completely because we’ve already won someone’s heart, we tend to forget that we could lose it. Obviously we can’t recreate the first few magical months that occur when you first start dating a person forever, because the whole comfort thing naturally won’t allow it. What we can do is make sure that both ends are having their needs met. Relationship maintenance is crucial. As long as two people are mindful of the other’s feelings, things are so much more likely to run smoothly.
Here’s the big picture: we can love being a social recluse or butterfly, that’s not necessarily what’s important. At the end of the day, the person you’re doing those things with is what matters. If you love your partner, does it matter if you’re lying on the couch in matching Cheeto-finger stained Snuggies or dancing the night away in a lively club? Absolutely not. Different strokes for different folks has never been truer than when it comes to couples and their preferences. Sure, it helps to keep things interesting and add a dash of spontaneity here or there, but excitement and pleasure come in many different forms to many different people. As long as you’re making someone feel as happy as you do, the sharp objects will turn to speed bumps, and the tires will grow more durable.