1. Say “yes” to everything, Jim Carrey (Yes Man) style, and see where you end up today. Supposedly the universe rewards you for saying “yes,” so give it a go.
2. If you insist on saying no, say it exactly like Jonah Hill does in this scene:
3. Google “Dwarf Bunnies,” then try not to smile — or make any type of “Aww” sound, at how f-cking cute they are.
4. Go to a room by yourself, and dance to “Flashlight” by Parliament. I guarantee you’ll feel amazing afterward.
5. Order something off of the internet. Clothing, electronic device, edibles — it doesn’t matter what; it just provides you with something to look forward to in the mail, other than bills.
6. Splurge and have that delicious, overpriced liquid crack from Starbucks.
7. Work diligently so you won’t feel guilty about calling in sick on some other day this week.
8. Perform some method of exercise. Lift weights. Walk. Jog. Run. Do one of those instruction videos. You know — the ones where the trainer keeps telling you to “Push yourself” and “Dig deep,” while they infuriatingly half-ass their way through the routine.
9. Eat whatever the hell you want, regardless of its suggested serving size on the health pyramid.
10. If your room is a mess, don’t indulge your mild hoarding condition. Pick things up, lose the clutter and see how much happier you are after.
11. Download a large amount of new music. Fill your iPod and burn CDs, for your listening pleasure.
12. Take a nap. Make it anywhere between 45 minutes and three hours.
13. Make a conscious effort to smile. It’s a scientific fact that it can improve your mood.
14. Avoid negativity like it’s the plague. We all have a pessimistic friend or co-worker that we see daily. When their Debbie Downer side comes out, you walk away… or at least plug your ears and say, “LALALA” really loud, so you don’t have to hear it.
15. Acquire some cookies, and say “Nom, Nom, Nom” as you eat them. Seriously, somehow it makes them taste better. Even if they’re unexpectedly oatmeal raisin.
16. Take a few moments to count your blessings. Yes, the beginning of a workweek can feel tedious — but if you have a job be grateful. If you don’t, just appreciate what you do have, like the fact that you woke up today!
17. Give your parents a call. In all likelihood, they’d love to hear from you.
18. Watch or read something out of your element, and see if your views change. For example, the concept of Twilight might make you cringe, but give the books or movies a legitimate chance, then form an opinion.
19. Compliment or express your praise for a person you appreciate. As Kanye West said, “If you admire somebody you should go ahead and tell ‘em, people never get the flowers while they can still smell ‘em.”
20. Think of positive things at bedtime. No bills, no work, no stress. Only ponder on happy thoughts. There’s nothing worse than anxiety occupying your mind, right as you’re trying to go to sleep. Hakuna matata.