The Guide To Not Getting Girls

1. Yell at her from a car. Consider this: have you ever seen a dude scream “Hey, girl!” or something less appropriate at a female and end up successfully meeting and dating/hooking up with her? Probably not. The cat call success rate has to be the lowest percentage of any pickup method in existence. For one it’s startling to have a passerby scream at you as you peacefully stroll down the street. Secondly it’s just ridiculous to think that any type of connection can form from shouting absurd one liners at a stranger. This is ESPECIALLY a no-no if you’re the passenger in the vehicle. Why? The famous song, “No Scrubs” (which is describing something women don’t want none of) specifically mentions a dude who is “hanging out the passenger’s side of his best friend’s ride, trying to holler at me.” SIDENOTE: This excludes street-walkers and those porn videos where they get the girl to have sex on a bus… no, I don’t watch or anything, a friend told me about ‘em.

2. The club/bar brush-up. Public places with dance floors and socializing get crowded, so people will inevitably bump into each other — it just happens. What isn’t so acceptable is placing a hand on a stranger’s lower back or waist. Also your lips thisclose to her ear just to say, “Excuse me.” Trust me on this, trying to cop a feel or invade her bubble is a lot more blatant and a lot less nonchalant than many seem to think., so if you seek rejection, do this.

3. Obtain halitosis. Nobody likes bad breath, especially a girl who’s being approached by a guy that’s suffering from a strong case of it. It’s inexcusable, really — you can’t have morning breath in a nightclub and expect success with the ladies. Here’s a rule of tongue, cover your mouth & nose with your hand, and say the word “halitosis,” emphasizing the “h.” If the smell is putrid enough to make your eyes water, you’ve got a mouthful of funk. As soon as you see a girl that you find attractive, talk within inches of her face and make sure the pungency of your breath steams up her nostrils so viciously that she can taste it.

4. Call her some form of “mother.” You know what I’ve discovered that 99.9% of women hate? When a dude refers to her as “ma,” “mami,” “mama,” “mamas,” etc. No, I haven’t learned this from personal experience but I’ve overheard female friends on numerous occasions and this is not something that they enjoy. So if you’re looking to strike out quickly, try straight up calling her “Mom” and see how it goes… or ends.

5. Text her at 2 a.m. asking if she wants to hangout. Wait until late in the night/early in the morning when all of your other plans fell through and you’re clearly seeking some type of action. It’s a booty call, but state what it is. Tell her that you want to watch movies or something preposterous — then she’ll know that not only do you consider her a strictly physical connection, but you also believe she’s too unintelligent to recognize that. In some cases, both participants are equally using each other, but if you’re trying to win a woman‘s heart — this isn’t the way.

6. The send-a-friend. I remember a kid sending his friend over to ask a girl if she liked him in grade school and the girl said that he needed to man up and talk to her himself. True story!… (The kid was me.) Now, if this was considered a pansy move in grade school, imagine how women feel when a guy in his twenties can’t speak to her face-to-face. If you’re looking for guaranteed rejection or at the very least be labeled childishly shy, proceed with this method. TC mark

image – Shutterstock

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  • http://gravatar.com/michaelkohhh michael koh

    Feel like this should be lengthier.

  • Joy Isobel

    Number six is spot on.

  • http://elizabeers.wordpress.com elizabeers

    #2 is not a way to meet girls; it is, however, good form. I would basically always rather have a hand on my shoulder or waist and an “excuse me” than some dude just pushing through.

    • http://twitter.com/neverdidlikeyou Allison (@neverdidlikeyou)

      No, not good form at all! I don’t prefer someone just pushing through a crowd either, but a tap on the shoulder or an “excuse me” that’s not an inch from my face will suffice. Check how the guys who do #2 work their way around other guys in a crowded space. They can do the same thing around women.

      • http://twitter.com/edushke Edite A (@edushke)

        So, is it ok if it’s the other way around? I have a habit of doing this; the hand placement not the in- your-face “Excuce Me!”…. do guys hate that just as much? … It seems to help me get from one end of a crowded bar/dance floor to the other much faster lol

      • http://twitter.com/edushke Edite A (@edushke)

        So, is it ok if it’s the other way around? I have a habit of doing this; the hand placement not the in- your-face “Excuce Me!”…. do guys hate that just as much? … It seems to help me get from one end of a crowded bar/dance floor to the other much faster lo

  • TooEarlyBro

    Number 7:
    Asking someone out at 8 in the morning whilst waiting for the bus. Duude, I can barely keep my eyes open I don’t need you try and be sly in attempting to get my number. It’s not going to happen, let me sleep peacefully on the bus.

  • http://twitter.com/iMakary iMakary (@iMakary)

    How about the idea where being respectful and a genuinely nice person is a turn-off for some girls?

    • Ken

      Truthfully, nice guys DO finish last

    • Tom

      Yep. I run into this all the time. Those type of bros wouldn’t exist if it never worked…

    • ConEarth

      Nice is fine. Being nice because THEN SHE WILL OWE ME SOME SEX! is not actually nice. Herp derp though, no, no guy who is nice can ever get laid, wah wah wahhhhh

      • Leah

        Ugh no kidding. There’s no bigger turn-off than listening to guys whine about how nice they are and how ladies don’t like it.

    • Kelly

      Oh no, not another one of those “But I’m SO nice, why don’t they put out for me?” Really. Shut up.

  • http://feministdating.wordpress.com Feminist Dating

    “This excludes street-walkers”

    It is certainly not acceptable to harass sex workers on the streets, either. Women are women. Women are people.

    • The Pumpkin

      I think maybe the point is that if you yell “how about a date” to a sex worker instead of a non-sex worker, you’re more likely to actually get one? For pay of course.

  • http://boston.ihollaback.org/2012/06/07/holla-worthy-link-round-up-6/ HOLLA-worthy Link Round-Up | Boston Hollaback!

    […] first two ways to “not get a girl” sound suspiciously like harassment! Remember guys, harassing women is not how you get a date with […]

  • http://noubelle.wordpress.com Crystal

    Reblogged this on Noubelle and commented:
    This is so perfectly true. Take a note, boys.

  • Marion Ferrel

    Bad breath can be remedied by the use of natural antibacterials like Xylitol. Gargling salt and water also helps a lot if you want to reduce or eliminate bad breath. “,’;’ Enjoy your weekend! vitamins webpage

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