A Procrastinator’s 7 Worst Enemies

If you’re reading this article the day you come across it, you may not be a procrastinator. If you’ve had this page open in a different tab for the past week and are just now rediscovering it, read on to identify the things you should steer clear of.

1. Netflix. While they quantity of movies is far higher than the quality, if you’re a professional at putting things off, you’ll find something in the cinema cesspool that tickles your fancy. Statistics show that every 10 seconds, a procrastinator puts off significant work to watch Thankskilling on Netflix. If you happen to take a liking to a show that has multiple seasons (e.g. How I Met Your Mother), it’s all over. You’ll have no choice but to hold off on being productive until you’re all caught up on said series.

2. Xbox360/Playstation 3.
Procrastinators who don’t play video games should nevertest one out. The last thing you need is to discover that you have a strong passion for Call Of Duty. You’ll be setting yourself back in life a good 10 months while you master first person shooters.

3. YouTube. One day I went from watching basketball highlights, to sports fights, to street fights, to police abuse, to police chases, to a fat kid falling as he chases his friend, to a dog falling from the kitchen counter as he tries to steal cookies, to a stupid thief getting caught by police, to the police beating a thief excessively, to some thug beating up some other thug, to basketball players fighting, and then back where I began — basketball highlights. True story. This all happened over a three-hour span. Procrastinators, if you have anything to do within the next 16 hours, I’d recommend avoiding YouTube in its entirety.

4. Socially Active Friends. Just when you decide to sit down and attempt to get some work done, your phone rings. Who is it? It’s your mom, but you brush her off and say you’re busy. It rings again, and who is it now? It’s your socially active friends and they want you to go to the bar, club, restaurant or somewhere that involves you leaving behind your work, and being entirely unproductive. Of course saying “no” is an option, but procrastinators have the gift of self-persuasion. We’ll tell ourselves carpe diem and make impractical, unrealistic plans to finish our work later, even though we know we won’t fulfill them.

5. Food. Sometimes (and by sometimes, I mean always) eating seems more appealing than running errands, doing homework or whatever else you’re putting off. Think about it, what is one thing that you know that you need to get done within the next couple of days? Now I ask, would you rather do that thing or eat a cheeseburger (Boca Burger if you’re vegetarian)? Exactly, burger wins every time.

6. Social Networks. Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, MySpace, Black Planet — whatever your poison, social networking is detrimental to production. It’s so easy to get caught up in friends talking about random pointlessness, or repeatedly hitting the refresh button, anticipating someone liking your photos & statuses. You can deactivate your Facebook, but you know you’ll be back so why bother?

 7. Themself. Ultimately it’s on the individual who is procrastinating to handle business like an adult. Since “laziness” is the extremely close brother of procrastination, it’s probably a matter of work ethic. We can challenge ourselves to improve and increase our efforts, but we can’t keep saying we’re going to do it in a few hours… unless Thankskilling is on, in which case we’ll just have to take care of things when it ends. TC mark

image – Shutterstock

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  • H

    Otherwise know as a procrastinator’s 7 best friends.

    • Erin

      I agree. The title of this article led me to expect a discussion of productivity, not tools that aid in procrastination. It was not well-named. Really, Thought Catalog?

  • http://gravatar.com/nishantjn nishantjn

    Wow. Now I’m reading high-school magazine level articles on Thought Catalog. Not a day I thought I would ever come.

    • P. Stevens

      High-schoolers have thoughts, too. F off man.

    • I'mwithstupid^^^

      Wow. Now I’m reading idiot level comments on thought catalog

  • dcones

    8. Thought Catalog

  • Samantha

    How was Tumblr not listed under #6? My god, once I discovered infinite scroll, I never got anything done.

    • you'rebreakingthenumberonerule

      shhhhhhhhhhh

  • http://twitter.com/hrhment Hunter (@hrhment)

    Sporcle.

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/06/a-procrastinator%e2%80%99s-7-worst-enemies-2/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    […] Thought Catalog » Life Add a comment If you’re reading this article the day you come across it, you may not be a procrastinator. If you’ve had this page open in a different tab for the past week and are just now rediscovering it, read on to identify the things you should steer clear of. […]

  • http://gravatar.com/arielleschwarz arielleschwarz

    I actually have watched Thankskilling, and Santa’s Slay. Thankskilling was much better.

  • http://gravatar.com/mpiotro2 Megan

    Reading this at work…. with a sad excel file open in the next window.

  • MC

    you forgot procrasturbation

    • sha'boi

      Yeah, i’m shocked that “porn” isn’t on this list. Can we change #3 to “redtube”?

  • http://probablyshouldntbuythisdomainname.org Surly McSurleberg-Surlington IV

    True except I’m less likely to be saying ‘Carpe Diem’ and more likely to get YOLO on that ass

  • http://twitter.com/mexifrida FC

    not kidding had this opened as a tab since the 28th, and luckily had a tab deleting session, so i found it earlier than i usually would have.

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