20 Positions It Sucks To Be Put In

1. Having someone request your assistance opening a tightly screwed lid and feeling tremendous amounts of pressure to deliver or face heaps of humiliation.

2. Running into a person you’re attracted to but having to pretend like you don’t remember specific details about them, because for some odd reason society associates outstanding memory with creepers.

3. Wanting to drink orange juice but being within an hour of having brushed your teeth and unwilling to risk tasting the atrocious toothpaste + O.J. combo.

4. When a person gets a speckle of spit on you while they’re talking and you debate whether or not you should wipe it off while they’re looking directly at you.

5. When a friend wants your honest opinion of their subpar work. Especially when it’s regarding food and you’re forced to put your taste buds at risk.

6. Thinking of a great point mid-conversation, but by the time you get an opportunity to speak, the topic of discussion has changed, forcing you to decide if you should create a segue back to the previous subject or let your little nugget of brilliance die.

7. When you’re driving and a cop pulls up behind you, makes every turn you make and follows the exact same path you’re taking while you constantly glance in the rear view mirror, wishing, hoping and praying that he’ll go away.

8. When one person asks you for a piece of gum but you know that fully exposing an entire pack will open the flood gates for other moochers to ask for one as well.

9. Pouring a bowl of cereal and dousing it in milk, only to find that there are no clean spoons.

10. Being asked by your boss to stay late at work or even worse, to come in on a day off.

11. Making purchases with the knowledge that your total is thisclose to your current account balance and over drafting is potentially looming.

12. Being the middle person in a “Human Centipede.”

13. Walking into a jam-packed movie theater and being the unlucky person in charge of deciding where you and your guest(s) will be seated.

14. Knowing that a friend of yours is cheating on another friend of yours. TIP: 99.99% of the time, this won’t end well for you regardless of what you do. Decide which friend you like better and be prepared to side with them when the poop inevitably hits the fan.

15. Making the mistake of accidentally wearing red when you go shopping at Target.

16. Arriving at your destination as soon as a song you love begins playing on the radio, then debating listening to said song in its entirety or going on about your business.

17. Giving a courtesy laugh to a joke that you didn’t comprehend and then being asked “Do you get it?”

18. Being the passenger in a vehicle with a driver who listens to Soulja Boy’s “music.”

19. Being one of the last people to go in a group ice breaker. Sure it’s probably something simple, like your name & a hobby, but watching everybody else go first makes it that much more nerve racking.

20. Watching a movie with your family and arriving at a sex scene that contains an uncomfortable amount of nudity. WARNING: Do not, I repeat DO NOT watch the Halle Berry film, Monster’s Ball within a five mile radius of your family. It contains the single most excruciatingly long, awkward sex scene I’ve ever seen (super uncomfortable when Grandma’s on the couch next to you). TC mark

image – Shutterstock

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  • Guest

    ugh… #14. Friends dating friends is the WORST. It never ends well and it is the most stressful thing on the planet.

    • cyan

      yes i hate it when that happens within a group of common friends. never shit where you eat, period.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=612928768 Samie Rose

    Truth. Watching Watchmen with my father was -awkward-.

  • Fudge

    My dad came in when I was watching Monster’s Ball on DVD. When THAT scene came on I totally pretended I had fallen asleep.

    • Domino

      ahahahaha the good old ‘i’m-sleeping-and-not-getting-turned-on-by-this-movie’ move…..

  • Monsterball

    guess i’ll rent monster  ball tonight

  • Emily

    re: #9… how long does it take to wash a spoon?

    • Meliza

      Not long at all… BUT!!!! long enough for your cereal to just get a little too soggy near the end. Cereal is best enjoyed within the first minute of  pouring your milk. Every second counts.

  • sarawr

    Black Swan intense lesbian scene with the boyfriend’s mum..awkward

    also, this list= best. 

  • hannahbee

    story of my life

  • pnut

    #12 hahaha. word.

  • Danielle Sollenbarger

    Agree with all but especially the Monster’s Ball.  It was almost awkward watching it in a movie theater. 
     

  • Guestard

    21. Being the chubby 5th wheel to a beach vacation… :(

  • Jessica

    hahahaha #17. also, i still need to see Monster’s Ball.

  • http://twoseconds.tumblr.com/ Jesse Vaughan

    This list is my life.

  • http://twitter.com/iamthe0nly Jordana Bevan

    affirming #20. i saw Black Swan with my grandmother. My grandmother loves to talk during movies, and she especially loves to talk loud during movies.
     “WHAT IS SHE DOING?? THESE DAMN LIBERALS AND THEIR LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY. “LESBIANS,” RIGHT? i HOPE YOU DON’T DO THIS WITH *YOUR* FRIENDS.”
    actually happened. (ps, yeah, sometimes i do, grandma, how’s that make you feel?)

    • Mila Jaroniec

       I’m dying.

    • Clitty McLabia

      Try watching Bruno with your mom and little brother and then suddenly being bombarded with a group sex scene. 

  • Anonymous

    Jeez, these are perfect. Have you just been keeping a tab your whole life?!

  • Amanda

    Alanis Morisette’s ‘Ironic’ has got nothing on this list.

  • Jenna

    another one to avoid watching with the fam is Friends With Benefits. that was one of the most excruciatingly awkward times in my life. 

    • Michaela

       Didn’t the title give you a good enough warning?

      • Jenna

        you’d think, but my mom insisted we see it.

    • http://twitter.com/magaIicious Maggie Slomiany

      also, going the distance. yikes.

  • http://twitter.com/meganmvo Megan Vo

    Being caught washing chopsticks vigorously? I don’t know, it feels a little scandalous.

  • Clitty McLabia

    To add to the list: when you’re in a public bathroom stall and someone walks in as you are sitting on the loo, wiping your ass.

  • http://twitter.com/alainalatona alainalatona

    “9. Pouring a bowl of cereal and dousing it in milk, only to find that there are no clean spoons.”

    My version of #9:

    Pouring a bowl of cereal and dousing it in milk, only to find out you really have to pee. Do you sacrifice your bladder for non-soggy cereal, or do you sit in pain while you eat an incredible bowl of Frosted Flakes?

    • guest

      pee while you eat

      • Guest

        Two birds…no kidney stones

  • http://twitter.com/shoshkabob Shosh

    #6. My life summed up in a relatable scenario.

  • Merrdujapon

    Watching Team America with my boyfriend’s family…. SUPER awkward doll sex scene…. Excruciating.

  • Anonymous

    NEVER LET YOUR NUGGETS OF BRILLIANCE DIE

    • http://external-harddrivedeals.com/western-digital/my-book-live WDMyBookLive

      8. When one person asks you for a piece of gum but you know that fully
      exposing an entire pack will open the flood gates for other moochers to
      ask for one as well.

      This is exactly what I feel whenever someone asks for candy or gum from me. I usually fake fishing around my bag for the last one when truthfully, I’m just reaching out from the pack. Sorry for being stingy but it gets annoying to not have gum when you need the gum. 

  • Kate

    Ah #15– so good!
    I always make the mistake of wearing red to Target. Now I’ve just learned to say to whoever’s asking me to help them find something- DO YOU SEE ME WEARING KHAKI PANTS? NO? THAT’S BECAUSE I DON’T WORK HERE. 

    • Jen

      you must wear red an awful lot

  • http://twitter.com/alainalatona alainalatona

    .

  • Sophia

    oh gosh, there were so, so many on here that applied to me. i totally had a comment prepared, and then would find like five more that i loved even more. especially number 17 – i have a bad tendency to just not get jokes (especially crude ones) and so i tend to just laugh so as to not have to make them hash out the explanation. when i get called out it’s so awkward. soap box radio

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