#FoodPorn? #FashionBlogger? #OOTD? Every once in a while we all have those Instagram-worthy moments in our lives. A gorgeous sunset, a killer outfit, or a beautifully presented plate of food at a hip restaurant that we just have to share with our followers.
But realistically, no one’s life is like that every day…. except of course fashion bloggers with no spending limit, “free spirits” that spend their whole lives traveling, and foodies. These are some realistic Instagram hashtags that should be trending right now.
My motivation for packing my lunch pretty much tapers off on Tuesdays every week and because I don’t make enough to treat myself to sushi or something every single day, I’m probably eating a granola bar I found at the bottom of my purse and a soft pretzel I bought for 69 cents at Wawa this morning while getting my coffee. After I snap a pic of this, I’ll probably choose the “Kelvin” filter just to bring out the deep tones in the Quaker Chewy Bar wrapper.
(2) #IWoreThisYesterday (#OOTW)
Is it Sunday? Oh, that means I’ve been wearing my high school softball sweatpants from freshman year since approximately 5 pm on Friday and have not taken them off since. In order to Instagram this, I’ll take an pic from a high angle so I can fit my sweats, my fuzzy slippers, and my stained white V-neck t-shirt. Add in the hand on the hip pose so I look skinny, obv. I wonder how many people will ask me where my shirt is from?! Maybe I should tag “target” in the photo just so my millions of followers know where they can go to dress like me. Great, all set. I should probably hashtag #OOTW (outfit of the week) since I’ve been wearing this for 2 1/2 days now. Doing #OOTD (outfit of the day) would just be lying…..
Not a day goes by that I don’t get some sort of food residue on a piece of clothing. It ranges anywhere from a tiny droplet of coffee on my already black shirt (no biggie) to dropping my bagel topped with peanut butter right on my white pants and walking around my office all day with a questionable brown stain on my crotch. To get the most likes on this one, I’ll strategically angle this pic to make whatever area of my body the stain is on look skinny and use the “Walden” filter to sort of make my life look like the set of an old western film.
In my opinion, Instagram makes it seem like everyone’s home, office, and coffee spot are all located at the top of a beautiful hill overlooking trees and mountains or a glamorous city. But, sometimes us regular peeps don’t have a view. I’m not really trying to brag here, but a picture of my office view includes a parking lot, a somewhat busy road, and a dilapidated home across the street that I’m pretty sure belongs to the man who sits on the sidewalk and yells profanities at cars passing by. I’ll use a black & white filter for this one, just to give it a little bit of mystery and allure.
Sunday Funday? Try Sunday Slumday. What 20-something with a job and shit has the time or energy to wake up and day-drink?! Sundays are for sleeping in and being unnaturally lazy. Unless this is the one weekend a month I force myself to socialize at brunch, an Instagram of my Sunday would include a Chipotle burrito wrapper and empty slurpee cup on the table, an iPad with Netflix playing, and my #OOTW. Not pictured: an enormous load of laundry and a half-assed attempt at preparing food for the week. I’ll do this one with #NoFilter just so people know how real I am.
I have never (and will never) used any of the hashtags #TurnUp #TurnDownForWhat or #TurnUporTransfer because I am 23, already graduated from college, and poor. Gone are the days of 50 cent shots at the dive bar in my college down. The most “turnt” I’ve gotten in the past few months is when I went crazy and ordered TWO margaritas at happy hour instead of one, and that ended in me eating spoonfuls of guacamole for dinner and passing out at 9 pm. I don’t know what “turnt” actually means, but it sounds exhausting and I have too many episodes of House of Cards to catch up on to bother with any of that business. I might not even be able to Instagram this because I’ll probably be asleep with my laptop lying on my chest.