1. Get Married
What better feeling is there than to have a loving spouse? Than to have the mac to your cheese, the yin to your yang, the peanut butter to your jelly? If you haven’t found that person, I feel badly for you. You’re probably unfulfilled and should get on that.
2. Or Don’t
You’re young! How can you become the person you’re meant to be when you’re attached to ol’ deadweight over there? Discover yourself. Experiment. Date around. Yeah our parents got married when they were our age, but times have changed. You know you are not responsible enough to be making decisions that big right now.
3. Stay in on Friday Night and Watch Netflix and Devour a Large Stuffed-Crust Pizza
Look at that—the recipe for happiness and pizza are one and the same! All you need for that well-deserved Friday night in is a large pizza, a bingeable Netflix series, and your cat Mr. Charlemagne. Let the rest of the world try to judge you—they don’t know this bliss.
4. Or Don’t
You only have so much time left in your twenties, so you better not squander it. Before you know it, your body will be useless and unable to recover from the Hell you put it through the previous night. Utilize that, you young thing, you! Party, make bad decisions, be selfish. When else will you have this chance?
Traveling will teach you so much about yourself. You’ll learn to become a free spirit, going where the wind blows you. You’ll meet other people, experience other cultures. Best of all, that picture you got with the person who’s obviously not American that shows what an enriching experience you’ve had will make an awesome profile picture!
6. Or Don’t
You were born in America, raised in America, and will stay in America. There’s the reason this is the best country on Earth. Either way, you have a life to live, and going elsewhere won’t help you do it. You’re perfectly capable of discovering yourself right here in the motherland, thank you very much.
7. Do What’s Best for You and the People You Love
8. …Yeah, do that.