Heartbreak Made Me A Badass

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Six months ago, my boyfriend of nine years broke up with me while driving me to work. It came completely out of the blue, although now that I think about it all the signs were there; I just thought that we could overcome everything. I was an empty shell for a couple of months, literally living in the limbo of waking up, going to work, and then coming home to sleep.

But then I woke up one day and the sun was shining, a mild breeze was ruffling my hair while I was walking my dog, and my neighborhood smelled like lilacs—and it hit me—I am on my own for the first time in my life and I can at least try to own it. What then came to be was how I survived the breakup, and if I could do it, you can do it too, just don’t be afraid to try.

When the pain ends…

After the breakup, first comes the ripping-my-soul-in-half pain. Some cry, some go out, and some, like me, just stare at the wall in shock. It lasted for days. Outside it seemed as though I was taking it pretty well, but inside the whys, whens and whats were exhausting me psychologically. After a while I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I decided to muffle those questions with friends, movies and diving into my job. It helped, and soon enough I could think straight and talk normally to people again.

The pain will end sooner or later, but how you handle yourself will help you to move on as time goes by. Find something you like to do, and do it. Go out every day whether for a drink or movie, but just be active and among people. Soon enough, that fist clenching your heart will loosen its grip and you’ll be able to breathe again.

Don’t call your ex…

Everyone will say that you should cut all communication with your ex, unfriend them on social networks and stop caring if they suffer too or what they do. This is much harder than people say, and you’ll act depending on the given reason for the breakup. My ex said he just didn’t love me anymore like a boyfriend should and ended it. Of course I didn’t stop talking to him and following every step he took, but then after a while I noticed I wasn’t not feeling better but worse and more humiliated. So one day, I stopped all contact.

And it felt great. The biggest mistake I made from the start was staying in touch with him, but now that I did, I felt like my own person again. I started planning to do all the things I couldn’t when we were together, and more. I found some new courage to be independent and single again.

Love yourself…

Never, ever let the breakup make you hate yourself. Whatever the reasons for the breakup, no matter who ended it, you didn’t stop existing and the world didn’t disappear. There are many people loving you, just the way you are, so let them introduce you to yourself. By getting to know what a wonderful person you are, you’ll be able to reinvent yourself and be stronger than ever.

Change the scenery…

The first thing I did, when I recovered from the shock of breakup, was leave the flat we had lived in together and rented a new one. Although it’s not a big change of scenery since we live in the same city, the new living space brought some much-wanted sense of adventure and hope. On the other hand, a friend of mine after her divorce packed her bags and went on a trip. She flew to Thailand, did some hotel hopping, visited their temples and experienced Thai culture—all by herself and came back full of energy and ready for new beginnings.

Whatever you decide to do, or can do depending on money or time, change the scenery for a few days, even if it means crashing on your friend’s couch or going back to your old room at your parents’ house. Being in a new place unaffected by the memories of the gone relationship made me clearheaded and able to regain my life.

And finally…

Be a superhero in your own life. We all lose ourselves in our significant other; there’s no shame in that. But when we forget ourselves in others, that’s when the alarm should start buzzing. It took me six months, but I’m a badass now, the main character in my own life. I have a new job that I love, a new flat that is just the way I want it to be, the cutest dog in the world, several new friends and I’m learning to speak Swedish. So don’t cry for yesterday, but boldly go into your future like we both know you can.