You Create Your Own Calm

”You create your own calm.”

I saw this quote Thursday morning before walking into my 8:15 am yoga class. It is usually a small class with only one, two or three regular students. No one was signed up this morning, but it is the end of summer, and drinking in the last of the warm nights is the way of life in this sleepy beach town. It was a mellow morning spent by stealing away those lazy minutes between the snooze button and the next alarm, with an extra snuggle or two and raspy giggles. Warm lemon water filled my stiff, worked body, and loosened my joints as I prepared for the day.

Feeling refreshed and soulfully happy from these special Thursday mornings, I jumped in my car and drove the short 2 minute trek to the studio. The cool breeze filled the studio while I patiently waited for my students to arrive. While perusing my phone- checking emails and social media- I came across this quote, “You create your own calm” and ate it whole, allowing it to be digested into my day. To truly move through traffic of morning commute, or meetings at work, or waiting in line to order your morning coffee with the intention of calm, with the knowledge that the power to be calm is within you at all times is empowering. And difficult. Thursday was season launch for the Fall Collection at work, it was going to be a busy day, and I had just devoted to the intention of creating my own calm. What a full breath of self confidence.

Well, when 8:20 came and went and no one showed to class, I decided that I would not be saddened or frustrated, but instead create my own sense of calm by practicing for myself. I rolled out the mat in the middle of the studio because I could, turned on some Madeleine Peyroux (my new favorite and dreamy yoga tunes) and began to breathe and move. So began the journey inward to the space where calm rests. It is one that resides for me somewhere between the inhale and exhale. It is that moment between reaction and reflection, a flash of thought, a fleeting second where time pauses and the very next moment will dictate your energetic reality. Exhale and be calm.

Moving through my flow, I saw my phone was ringing, which is strange because I only talk to a handful of people, all of whom know I am teaching. It was my boyfriend, Dustin.

“I’m okay…”

(For the record, that is nearly the worst way you want to be greeted when you answer the phone.)

Create calm- keep breathing…

“…but I’m gonna need you to bring me to the hospital.”

INHALE!

“I had to lay my scooter down (his generous way of not freaking me out too much. It means he was almost in a crash, but swerved to miss the car and the scooter slid from under him) on the way to work- I need to get the scooter home; I’ll meet you there.”

Bumbling to lock up the studio, I finally jumped into my car to get home and as I turned right onto the street, I saw the scooter and my Dustin both limping towards home, steered with just his bloody fingertips. He moved into my lane, and I drove 2 torturous minutes behind him staring at his torn shirt, road-mangled left arm, and broken side mirror.

But he was driving, he was even smiling when get got in my car, and my calm was imperative more than before. My sense of direction was too, but I could only be so lucky. A few U-turns later and I finally found the hospital. They received him with such kindness, cleaned him, x-rayed him, and mummified his wounds. We were sent out 4 hours later with a prescription for pain meds and a grateful heart. He was walking, slowly, but moving forward.

The fear of potential, of the “could haves” or “what ifs” can be paralyzing. The horrific potential of the accident kept trying to force itself in my mind: how hurt he could have been, or what if the light wasn’t turning red?  All these thoughts are scary and unhealthy. You create your calm, and your thoughts create your reality.

Our reality was that he was okay. He will be sore and beat up for quite awhile, but he still has his sense of humor, his witty recall of the “laying down of the bike” incident, and resilient spirit.

And I will always have my calm.