I Fell For This Girl

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I fell for this girl since long ago,
Before I was even self-aware
Or conscious enough
To know much about things like authenticity or passion.

I fell for this girl since long ago,
I still remember that first time –
To the repeat of “Foolish Games” by Jewel.
I am not one to caress nostalgia,
But that memory still grips me.

I fell for this girl since long ago,
But I also fell
To other temptations
Of external validation,
Social comparison,
And the presumed security of paths more chosen.

I fell for this girl since long ago,
But I lost touch for many years.
Convinced I had chosen
When I had actually surrendered;
Convinced I was in control,
When I was actually in fear.

I told myself I doubted her,
But really, I doubted myself.

I fell for this girl since long ago,
And it wasn’t until recently
That our paths re-crossed,
As if they had been latently intertwined
All these years.
I feared we wouldn’t pick up where we left off,
And we didn’t,
Because we were now someplace better.

There are those who seek aerial thrills of skydiving,
But I seek the vibrance of her depth.
There are those who seek the blur of temerity,
But I seek the wisdom of her clarity.

I promise her that one day,
When I learn to better infuse passion,
To discern risk,
To wield the present,
To exonerate my mind from doubt,
To fail artfully,
I promise that one day
I will commit.

I fell for this girl since long ago.
I promise her that one day
I will earn the courage
To do what life has always asked:
To surrender oneself
To one passion.

I fell for this girl since long ago.
She calls herself “Writing”. TC Mark

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