Do you still remember me? Or am I now just a memory with no meaning at all? I still have so many questions but I don’t have as much urge as I had before to ask them to you because I know that none of these questions matter anymore.
By the way, you still lurk in my mind occasionally and I just can’t help but wonder why. I could go on days without minding you, days without constantly checking if that small green button appears beside your name on Facebook messenger indicating that you’re online, days without checking your profile just to have a hint about what you’ve been up to lately and days definitely not missing you.
But there are days, so rare, that you lurk in my mind and I just do not know why. I just went through weeks with you out of my system, out of my mind and out of my routine and the *poof* you just appear up there in my mind again out of nowhere as you bring back memories that I thought I’ve already forgotten.
They say that if a person is constantly on your mind, it means that, that person is thinking about you too. I don’t believe in such. But….sometimes, I want to.
But of course it’s not true, right?
It’s not true.
I just can’t figure out why you still pop in from time to time. I hate it because it makes me angry at myself, for letting you and those memories take over me once more. Every time that happens, I feel like I’m losing a battle that I wasn’t prepared for and I didn’t know I was fighting. It feels like you’ve defeated me at a game that we didn’t know we’re playing. It feels like I have to start all over again.
It’s tiring. To go round and round and round.
I thought that I was moving forward. I believed that I am moving forward. Every time the moment comes that I you’re in my mind again, it gets easier to shake it off, though. It gets easier and easier. There are just some memories that are less easy to shake off than the others but I’ll get the hang of it.
Maybe I’ll just have to go through this cycle. I just have to learn from this. I believe that there’s a reason for this.
And once again, I remind myself: It doesn’t mean that if a person is on your mind constantly, that person is thinking about you too.