You were my angel. You came into my life and somehow, you changed everything. You taught me how to be brave, how to believe in myself and how to live life to the fullest. You pushed me to try harder and to choose to live when I wanted to die. You were there to listen to my every rant. You were there when I needed to be silent.
I liked being silent with you because there was no awkwardness. You were patient with me. It’s not easy to get to know me but you persevered. You tore down my walls and for the first time in my life, I felt free. Whenever I was with you, I felt safe and clam. It was only you who made me feel that way. I’m not sure if what I felt towards you could be called as a romantic kind of love. But I believe that it transcends that. I love you. I love you in the most altruistic way. I loved you.
Later on, I got confused and scared, wondering what we really were. I started to overthink. I was so ready to jump into the ocean with you but when I was about to jump, you retreated. Why? I wanted to ask you. I wanted to be honest with you and I kind of did when I told you how I really feel about you.
That was your chance but you said nothing. You continued your confusing actions towards me and I wasn’t really sure anymore how to act upon it because I didn’t want to act inappropriately. I didn’t want to think things that are not real. You can’t blame me for wanting to protect myself. You know how I’ve been hurt before, how the guy that I trusted from years before betrayed me. You know me inside and out and you still left me confused and hanging.
Thank you for being my angel. For being there when I needed you the most. But right now, I think it’s you who needs one and I’m not sure if I’m that person.
I want to be. Believe me, I want to be. But whoever that person will be, I hope that person teaches you how to be brave and alive and free, just like what you did to me.
I still love you.
I miss talking to you.