This Is The Dating Profile I Will Never Write (But Always Want To)


Just imagine if we had good conversation and it felt nice to kiss each other and you didn’t care about my Instagram followers or my acne scars or how many men I’ve slept with or the way I get in the morning before I’ve had coffee. Imagine if I didn’t care where you had hair growing or in what ways your parents fucked you up or how perfect your first girlfriend was or what kind of porn you like to watch and how often you like to watch it. Imagine if you didn’t care who saw us holding hands and didn’t worry about me reaching over you in the night to pull you closer. Imagine if it didn’t matter that I don’t know anything about sports and that I like riding the bus, imagine if I didn’t think your car was pretentious and that I could get used to you ordering for me and get used to you making me cum without worrying that I’ve made it look too easy, like I cum like that for all those other guys, like I haven’t spent years figuring out the exact duration and intensity of touch required, like I’m not amazed that somehow you just knew when and where and just how hard. Imagine if you could fuck me with your shirt off and not judge my underwear and my chipped nail polish, what if I didn’t hate being asked to take my shoes off the minute I walk in the door and what if you weren’t already planning a wedding with a woman without history or flaws and I wasn’t waiting for someone who’s communicative but not smothering, driven, but not to distraction, someone who will tell me that I’m pretty and understand that I can’t accept it but keep telling me until I do. Imagine if you weren’t already calling me an uber and I wasn’t already looking for the words to let you down gently because no matter how good it was it’s never a good time and what if there weren’t millions more of each of us doing exact same thing at the exact same moment and we wren’t both going to do this a million more times because somehow apathy has become the skin that we wear and there’s no way to take it off once its clinging to our ambivalent flesh, covering our false hearts and fickle minds.*

If you’ve got a good imagination, swipe right.

*I think I’ll just leave out this bit. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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