I’m Scared To Tell How Much I Love You

Unsplash / Melan Cholia

It took me long to understand what it truly meant to never be able to stop once I’ve begun, never be able to let go once I’ve gotten a hold of something, never be able to get out once I’ve entered. It took me long yet I hope it isn’t too late. All the ups and downs in my life, yet it only took you, and no one else to understand that there is someone out there that is “the one I hope to be my one.” And of course, it’s you.

To the one I hope to be my one, I am sorry that I need to take things at my own pace; that I still can’t put it out in the open how much you mean to me; that four years still aren’t enough to tell you the words you deserve to hear; that every time I decide to confess I back out. It doesn’t only take all the bravery and strength in me, but it takes all the vulnerability in me to finally say it. Because finally telling you that I love you very much meant having my heart-broken, meant that I’m letting myself be weak, meant that I’m ready to accept rejection from you. But I’m just not there yet– not ready to lose you, not ready to change things with you, not ready to let go of selfishness for you, because what you deserve is nothing but a selfless love.

For now, I want to take every chance with you, cherish every moment with you, and remember every memory with you. Because they’re all I’m bringing with me when that day comes, when we finally need to part ways. And because I don’t know when will I ever see you again, when will I ever hold you again, when will I ever have another memory with you again.

So I’m shutting out the fear of losing you, the heart-break I always get whenever I think that you’d never take a chance on me, the sadness I get whenever I am not with you. Because while I am not ready to say the right words to you, I have always been ready to take a fall for you– something I’ve openly accepted the moment I’ve admitted to myself that I’ve fallen for you.

Before all the magic ends, all the memories vanish through time, and all the chances run out, I want to thank you for letting me feel love that I’d never feel again in another lifetime. It didn’t turn out my way, nor did we turn out to stay in each other’s stars, but what we’ve had and what you’ve made me feel is something I’d gladly have over and over again, especially if it means being with you one more time.

We’re so close to farewell, my love, but please do remember that I’m that one who prayed for you, and that you’re the one I hope always finds his way back to me. I’d continue to hope that one day we’d fall into place, and I could only wish that your rightful place is right where I am. Because I do not believe in the luck of time, but in the power of timing — what’s meant to happen will happen, who’s meant for you will always be yours. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I am an ambivert.

Keep up with Cassie on Instagram, Twitter and cassgacott.blogspot.com

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