I loved those people. Those that made me feel loved. Those that made me feel that I am not at all a difficult person to keep. Those that made me feel that everything I am would suffice. I loved them for making me feel a lot of things at some point, except they made me feel worthless at most times.
I loved those people, but I need to cut them off my life. I need to leave them behind. And I think that’s okay.
I am not cutting them off, nor leaving them behind because I no longer want them in my life, but because I need to keep myself, too. I’m afraid if I don’t cut them off or leave them behind, I will be the one to be cut through for keeping them; I will be the one to be left off when they realize I will never be that person they want me to be.
Staying would mean that more tears of mine would be put into words, more heartaches would be turned into poetry, and more of myself will be taken away from me. For every time I break down, I am giving away pieces of me to the world. I am letting more people inside my walls. I am letting them destroy me even further.
While putting other people first has always been something I’m good at, I can’t seem to do it anymore. I can’t seem to hold on any further. I can’t seem to see myself keeping those people until the future. The pain of staying is finally overpowering the pain of leaving, and I know I needed to go. And finally, I know I’m doing something for myself.
To everyone else who’s afraid of doing the same — cutting people off, leaving them behind, and doing one’s self a favor — you’re not weak for choosing to walk away, but you’re strong for letting yourself endure so much pain out of detaching yourself from people you love very much.
You’re smart for knowing that it is time to go, and forcing yourself to stay would only hurt you worse. You’re selfless for allowing yourself to stay for too long, while they inconsiderately cut you down to pieces, just because you thought they’re worth the fight.
To you who’s reading this, it’s okay to be selfish when saying there is too much of everything is simply an understatement. It’s okay to cut people off. It’s okay to leave them behind. It’s okay to be hurt as you try to move forward. It’s okay to start anew without those people. And it’s much better to learn from those that broke your heart into bits, and it’s best to want to be happy again. And you will be happy again, you just have to believe that you will be.
To us who are still struggling in doing this, it is time we put ourselves first too or no one else will. But in doing so, let us not be afraid to love those kinds of people again; for all we know, they might be facing the same struggles as we do.