Most of us have asked for relationship advice from our friends or family. When things get confusing, we tend to gravitate to those who we love for advice. However, that might actually be a really bad idea, and here are eight reasons why:
1. No two people are the same.
We are all our own little unique snowflake. Consequently, your friend is not you (no matter how much you have in common), and the guy you need advice about is not someone your friend has dated. I mean, he might have similarities to the catastrophes of her past, but that doesn’t mean he’s just like them.
2. No two relationships are the same.
Just as no two people are the same, there are no two identical relationships in the world. From friendship to romance, no relationship has the same ups and downs or twist and turns as another. In fact, even if you date the same types of people repeatedly, you will never have the same relationships.
3. If they love you, they’re biased.
Your loved ones may not try to be biased, but if they care about you, they are. They don’t want you to get hurt, so when their red flags go up they will warn you. Even if they’re sincere, they don’t know the person that you are talking to better than you do and, consequently, they are going to give you advice based on protective instincts.
4. Everyone is looking for something different.
When it comes to relationships, everyone is looking for something different. Some are in search of eternal love and others are simply looking for a fling. These differences aren’t necessarily bad, they just make it difficult for everyone to relate to what you want out of a relationship.
5. They may be jealous.
Even those who love you may unintentionally be jealous. It’s not that they don’t want you to be happy; it’s just that they aren’t exactly happy in their present state. Whether they are in an unhappy relationship or have other causes for jealousy, they may let their little green monster shine through at the wrong time.
6. It’s an A and B conversation.
A relationship is a private thing between the two individuals involved. Discussing personal matters—whether they involve arguments, challenges, or sex—with outsiders may just cause more turmoil. If you need advice, sometimes the best person to ask is the person you need advice about. If they aren’t ready to share, you may need to be patient or end things with them.
7. You need to trust your instincts.
If you have instinctive doubts, your gut may be onto something. Or it might not. Maybe you’re like me and you think about things way too much, creating your own doubts and driving yourself nuts. In that case….
8. You need to trust them.
Regardless of what your anxieties bring forward, you may just need to rely on your trust in them. If they say something, try to believe them. If you can’t, it may just be time to admit that what you are stressing over might not be in the cards. It sucks, but it is what it is.
Relationships are hard and not having a guide that applies to every single type is hard. Whether you are in search of friends with benefits or marriage, things aren’t always going to be smooth sailing. Just remember that advice from others isn’t always what you need and try to figure things out by taking everything one step at a time with no expectations.