17 Signs You’re In An Abusive “Friendship”

1. They don’t understand that they are not your first priority. They think that they need to be your best friend and that they need to be prioritized before school, work, or other friends. When they realize that they’re not number one in your life, they are not okay with it. They will begin to complain that you work too much or that you don’t care about them, fully aware that you should be able to put yourself before them.

2. They rely on you for way too much, but think that you need them. Abusive friends tend to think that you need them in your life, but rely on you to help them through everything. However, you may start realizing that when you ask them for a favor they always make a big deal out of helping you. Yet, when they need something, they expect you to give them what they need quietly. They may even seem to think that they are your only friend, not realizing that their neediness is the reason you spend so much time with them and none with others.

3. They think ‘sorry’ fixes everything. From getting completely wasted at your parent’s house to hitting you in the face in your own apartment, they think that saying sorry will fix everything. What they don’t comprehend is that, once the damage has been done, it’s done. The worst part is, after you’ve forgiven them, they’ll pull the same stunt – or a worse one – all over again.

4. They continuously make empty promises. We’ve all known the empty promise people. They tend to say things like, “I’ll pay you back when I have money!” or “Yeah, I’ll call you in five minutes.” Eventually, we all realize that they aren’t going to pay and that they will never call back. Once or twice, it’s not so bad. However, when they stop feeling the need to follow through and the empty promises become habitual, you know there is a problem.

5. They talk about mutual friends with you. You know the saying, “If he cheats with you, he’ll cheat on you”? It applies to shit talkers as well. If your “friend” constantly talks about mutual friends with you, then they are most likely discussing your personal business with someone else. So definitely think about what you share before you share it, because other people might never look at you the same.

6. If something is going wrong in their life, they blame you. Somehow, every little thing that is wrong in their life – whether it’s the fact that they’re short on cash, their car broke down, or just about anything – is somehow your fault. They might never tell you that you did it, but they will endlessly bring up the subject and expect you to feel guilt or pity towards them and their situation.

7. If something is going right in your life, they degrade it. Heaven forbid your life is turning out better than theirs. If they realize that you may be able to be happy and get through the tough days without them, they will intentionally try to make you second guess everything. If you meet a new guy and things go well, they will take it upon themselves to ensure that you second guess everything he does or says. If you got a fantastic new job, they’ll whine because you never have time for them anymore. If you get an A in a class, they’ll insist that they could have done it to, even if they couldn’t have.

8. They are never wrong. They know everything. Whether it’s related to the weather or a book they’ve never opened, they know everything there is to know. They will frequently question you about the things you know, trying to stump you or prove you are wrong. If they can’t, they will simply state their opinion and insist that they are correct, even if they’re as wrong as two left shoes.

9. If you don’t respond to them, they get angry or frustrated. In the glorious world of snapchat and iPhones, people can see if you open their messages and fail to respond. Sometimes it’s okay to be frustrated if someone fails to respond to you when you send them something. When your friend starts to question your failure to response every time they text – whether you’re working, on a date, in school, driving, or just need space – it becomes awkward. If you aren’t constantly available to them, they are not content.

10. They don’t respect your personal space. What’s yours is theirs and what’s theirs is theirs. In other words, nothing is yours and your phone, house, car, and other belongings are theirs. Of course, if you even ask to use their phone charger, it’s the end of the world. But if it’s yours – which it can’t possibly be – they will use it, abuse it, and probably keep it.

11. They think that alcohol or drugs are an excuse. If you’ve heard, “I’m sorry I was _______. I didn’t really mean what I _______,” more than once, they aren’t sorry. They just think that getting wasted or high is an excuse for being an ass and acting out of line. If they’re abusive, they’ll take advantage of your forgiveness and pull the same stunt over and over, thinking that you will always forgive them. Odds are that their abusive nature will escalate with time, as well.

12. They constantly try to guilt trip you into doing what they want. If you deprive them of having their way, you better expect hell in return. Obviously everything they want to do is more fun than what you could possibly have in mind, so don’t even try to have an opinion. Even if their idea costs more money and you’ll have to pay, you’d better be ready to give them their way or they will make you feel so bad that you didn’t that you will never say no again.

13. They need to be the center of everything. Whether you are hanging out with your significant other and they come along or you’re at the pool, they will insist that all eyes – and ears – are on them. Nothing you say or do will be able to take importance, so you might as well just grab a drink and sit in the corner, because the spotlight is already zoning in.

14. They incessantly try to make their life appear to be better than your own. For someone reason, they always have to be better than you. If you went through thirteen weeks of boot camp, they claim that their time in military school was longer and harder. If you make a new friend, they have to make the same new friend and struggle to be liked more. If you’re going to college and they didn’t, they’ll belittle your education in order to make sure that you know they will always be better than you are.

15. They try to make you feel bad for having emotions. If you’re friend has a bad day or feels sad for any reason, it is imperative that you listen to their problems. However, if you are feeling down they will accuse you of being melodramatic or crazy. They seem to think your relationship is more of a one-way road and you are not allowed to drive towards them.

16. They turn everything into a dramatic situation. If they don’t get their way, somehow it is always the end of the world. They will start an argument and insist you are the one making things out to be more serious than they actually are. If you so much as accuse them of acting out of line, they will make you feel guilty for being “mean” to them for no reason.

17. They use your personal worries or flaws against you. As your “friend”, they’ve listened to you enough to collect all of your insecurities and save them for a rainy day. When you fight, they unleash them in the form of backhanded statements, trying to use your self-perceived faults against you. Sadly, nothing hurts quite as bad as having all of your worries confirmed by one of your closest “friends”.