She called me a pig, and a bunch of other things too. She told me I was everything that was wrong with online dating. This was not the kind of tongue lashing I had in mind when I decided to try dating again for the first time in 20 years. I have never been called a pig in my life, and I’m 46 years old. I’m one of these super nice guys who gets along with everyone – so what happened?
It started with a texting mistake I made, and then it went downhill from there.
A couple of weeks ago, I put up 2 profiles on 2 well-known online dating sites. Having divorced 2 years ago, I haven’t dated anyone since I met my wife 20 years ago, so I am ignorant. I put up an earnest profile about who I am, and I said I was looking for someone who is funny, smart, active, outdoorsy, and Christian. I sent a few messages and began to entertain a variety of women who showed an interest in me. Next thing you know, I had 4 dates set up with 4 women who all seemed very interesting to me. I started texting with 3 of them, and I suddenly had the pounding heart and sweating palms of a teenage boy.
So I went out for a first-date coffee, and after a great time, I asked my date (let’s call her Susan not her real name) to be sure to text or call me, so we could stay in touch, and she said she would for sure. She had my number but I didn’t have hers, and I was looking forward to her call.
Here’s where the mistake comes in. About 15 minutes after my coffee date, I got a text from an unknown number. I am thinking it’s Susan. It wasn’t. It was a girl named Beth (not real). Beth had shown interest, we e-mailed briefly, and it was her first ever text to me. Her words:
And I texted back, “Hi Susan wow that coffee was really fun, how’s it going, let’s get together again, etc.” And then I got back:
This isn’t Susan.
That was not a proud moment for me. Before I could even reply:
You are pig. You are the worst thing about online dating. I can’t believe you call yourself a Christian.
My cell phone starting dinging like a pinball machine, one after the other!
I feel sorry for Susan.
I am blocking you and reporting you.
I tried to defend myself with some keen observation like, “Hey I’m new at this, how can we be exclusive, if we have never even met each other? Isn’t that setting the bar a little high? Am I supposed to go one person at a time?” She replied:
Leave me alone I swear if you send me one more text I will sick my cop buddies on you.
I’ve been sorting this out ever since. Is this woman crazy, or is this what I should expect (God forbid) if any of my dates finds out about any of my other dates? I’m walking through a minefield here!
I’m going to have to set some ground rules. First of all (note to self), I will not reply to a text without identifying the other party first. Now as far as what I am going to have to try to express to my dates:
- I have put out a call for love by putting up a profile and inviting people to get in touch, and my date has done the same.
- At any given time, I may be in a dialogue with any number of women, I may even have dates with them, I may even be making out with them. My date is afforded the same freedom.
- I am looking for a girlfriend. I would like to fall in love, and when that happens, it will be as exclusive as it gets.
- I will ask someone to be my exclusive girlfriend after I fall In love with them. Or vice versa. That is taking it to the next level and that will be really cool when it happens.
- I will not go all the way with any woman, until we are in a love relationship. I have never had intercourse with a woman I didn’t love and I’m not going to start now. 3rd base. Let’s just stop there for a while and figure out what we have.
- During this dating phase, I don’t want to talk about your present and past relationships and I don’t want to tell you about mine. OK? Let’s just focus on each other and whether we like each other.
Does this sound like a good way to go about it? Maybe it’s old fashioned. Or maybe I’m a pig.