1. Get your ugly cry on
Let yourself melt into tears full of memories, questioning of what you did wrong and anguish for your newly single self. Let all of the realities of the breakup wash over you in waves as you realize how much everything is going to change. Cry until you have nothing left and you collapse into an exhausted heap. Now is not the time for composure, so let ‘er rip.
2. Channel Usher and “Let it burn”
I will not lie to you, this part will not feel good. You’re no longer the little spoon to someone’s big, you no longer have “a person” to tell all your good and bad news to, you’re now just a “you”. Single. Breathe that shit in, grieve the true meaning of it and accept it. Reality has a nasty way of showing up down the road if you try to ignore it, so suck it up and feel the sting.
3. Let your friends and family love you
The weekend after my long-time boyfriend broke up with me, my dad made all kinds of plans for us. This included waking up before the sunrise to go on a hike. I indulged him and I’m happy I did. The more time spent with family and friends who love you, the quicker you will heal. Just because one person has gone from your life, does not mean you’re no longer lovable, so let those who do still care love on you as much as they want. Which brings me to my next point…
4. Say yes to all of the random invitations you get
Remember how much time you spent sitting on the couch watching TV with your ex like a bum? Yeah, it’s time to break that nasty habit. The best way to begin moving forward in your life is to open yourself up to new experiences. Say yes to all of the random things you would have said no to when you were in a relationship. Free orchestra concert in the park? Do it. Camping in another state. Yes please. Pick up a new musical instrument or hobby? Hell yeah, you will. Begin to fill your life with new, exciting things and before you know it, the sting of the breakup will be behind you and you’ll have found some new kickass hobbies you would have never discovered otherwise.
5. Don’t become self-destructive
You may want to fill the void in your life with unhealthy things: booze, drugs, random sex, parties and people who don’t matter. Avoid this negativity as much as you can, it will only bring you down. You also greatly increase your odds of hurting other people, your ex or yourself which blows for all parties involved. You can’t hide from heartbreak, so don’t try to. Act like a goddamn adult and your mind and body will thank you for it down the road. That being said, no one expects perfection and wine and laughs with friends still count as healing in my book.
6. Unfollow, unfriend, delete
There’s no reason to let the inevitable post of your ex out having a great time ruin your day. Bite the bullet and cut them out of your life as they’ve decided to cut you out. Maybe you will get back together someday or become friends once you’ve healed, but right now, having them on your mind prevents you from growing and moving forward. Who gives a damn if this offends them, they broke it off and now you have the right to let yourself be happy and blissfully ignorant of their activities. Also, do yourself a favor and delete their number from your phone. If they need you, THEY can reach out. You’ll only regret those wine fueled calls and texts down the road, so don’t even give yourself the option.
7. Get it right, get it tight
I’m a total endorphin junkie who whole heartedly believes in the power of workouts to improve mood. I also think setting some physical goals for yourself can go a long way for motivation (and distraction) to get your butt in gear. Sign up for a 5k, 10k, half marathon, mud race, triathlon, decathlon…whatever appeals to you! You’ve got some extra time now, so might as well fill it with positive fitness. Plus, if you’re anything like me, your relationship may have left you a little bit…plumper…than you care to admit. This is a great time to invest in your own health and jump on the fitness bandwagon. Plus. the next time your ex sees you, he’ll definitely want to touch your butt. AND HE’S NOT LONGER ALLOWED TO! Suck it, ex.
8. Laugh as much as possible
Don’t allow yourself to mope for too long, no one likes a Debbie-downer. Actively take steps to surround yourself with love, joy, humor and happiness. Right now, in this very moment, it IS within your power to feel better. Even if it’s just a tiny bit. Call the person who always cheers you up, allow yourself to giggle at your dad’s jokes, watch your favorite comedy and laugh way too loudly. Don’t let yourself sink into that tempting solitude of Netflix and pizza because you’re way too bummed to think about doing anything else. You CAN do something else, you just have to DO it. No one expects you to immediately bounce back from heartbreak, but everyone’s cheering for you when you do. Give the people what they want and laugh your way back to a full, happy heart.
9. Allow space in your heart for what’s to come
When you love someone, you give them a piece of your heart and they give you a piece of theirs. When they leave, it can feel like there’s a gaping hole in your chest and it can be unbearable. Don’t make the mistake of trying to fill it with garbage. Your heart knows the difference between what’s real and what’s convenient. Find peace in knowing this openness will be filled by the next wonderful thing waiting up around the bend.
10. Love yourself and upgrade
Don’t let the fact that you’ve been dumped determine your self-worth. You are lovely and lovable and worth it, this person just happens to not be the right one for you. If it’s not working for one person, that means it won’t work for both people. You cannot love enough for two, and I do not suggest trying it. The other person just happened to figure out you BOTH made the wrong choice first. Being bitter towards them about it seems silly if you think about it that way. Focus on yourself and becoming the best version of you possible. When you give good, you get good back. Upgrade yourself and you’ll find an upgraded love knocking at your door before you know it.