Read This When You Need To Remember That You Can Live Without Them

woman behind blue neon
Joshua Rawson Harris

Your heart should feel full. It’s as simple as that. Actually, your whole entire body should feel full. Full to the point that you have absolutely no room for self doubt, self guilt, or self pity for people, places or things that only served you for a short season of your life.

The million dollar question has 10,000 different answers or no answer at all, depending on how you ask yourself the question in general: is the glass half full or is it half empty? Now ask yourself the question as if you are the glass. Are you half full or are you half empty?

I am not sure how or why we are all under the impression that the main goal in life is to be on a constant and avid search for your soulmate. We’re on a seemingly never ending journey seeking this other half of our being.

We are taught through books, movies, ads, everything around us, that this is the purpose. In order to find our purpose, we must first find someone to complete us. To make us feel whole.

My first love taught me to run away from anything and anybody that says, “I cannot live without you.” While that may be very kind and the intentions behind it are meant to be sweet and reassuring of your worth to the person who said it….. it is not healthy. It is not healthy to be someone’s thin line between “I want to live” and “I want to die”. You do not need someone to complete you. A person should compliment you, yes, but not complete you as a whole. That is your job, not their’s and putting the weight of all of your happiness and your will to live on someone else’s shoulders is not fair.

You could be full, but full of nothing but good intentions. You could be full of the I-can’t-live-without-yous and the you-are-my-reason-of-livings. Learn the difference of being full of poison and being full of water. Remember in my previous posts that I have said nothing can flourish in toxic environments. A person you invest your time, energy and feelings into should help benefit you. Think hard about why we invest in things. We invest in things because they benefit us in the future, whether that be long term or immediate. Why would we ever invest into anything if we knew from the beginning that we were not confident in the fact that it would be stable and able one day? If we were not standing in complete confidence, we would not waste our time and money on whatever it is. It would be just that…. a waste.

They say time is money, so I encourage you to think of yourself as a $100 bill that you have worked so very hard to earn. This is the last $100 to your name. So the weight of this piece of paper is heavier than anything you have ever held before. If a complete stranger came up to you and said, “Hey, I need that $100 bill more than you. I need it for some things. Can I have it?”

Would you hand it over? If you would, that makes you a better person that most of us. Just as you must be careful of being full of the wrong things, understand that the person you love, should not make you feel empty. The person you love should not be this person that comes up to you and asks for your last $100, so that they may go buy some things. Think of that $100 bill as your well being, your emotional and mental health, and your time. It’s all you have left because you have been running on empty.

The person you love should not make you feel obligated to give them the very last drop of you, when you need it to survive, just to give meaning to their I-can’t-live-without-you’s.

I’ve said it many times before, but I cannot stress it enough: sometimes love is just not enough. I understand that first hand. I have loved every freckle, every hair, every bone in somebody’s body before, but sometimes you cannot thrive on love alone. Lying in bed and talking about the universe every single night is not practical. Giving someone the responsibility of your happiness based solely on love alone, is not practical.

You have to find that happy medium of whatever satisfies you. Find that perfect balance of how you personally want to love and be loved. Being emotionally or mentally stimulated means nothing without physicality, just as a strictly physical relationship cannot move forward without a little TLC. Find a practical balance, instead of throwing everything on one side and expecting the other person to fill in the void.

The first step is understanding what you do and do not want and practicing that love on yourself before anybody else. Allow yourself to feel safe, instead of waiting for someone else to do it for you. The second step, is deciding when you have had enough of whatever situation you’re in. Understand how you love and how you want to be loved and demand only to practice that. If this other person cannot grasp this concept, then why invest any more time or energy into them? Don’t waste yourself. Think of those in your past. Can you believe you put up with them and their bullshit for so long? No? Then stop treading in whatever situation you are in now if you do not see progress, an end date, or any possible outcome.

If you are running on empty— fill yourself up. If you are full of fake love, poor out the poison and start new.

Remember that you can and you will live without someone.

The important thing is to make sure you’re so full of self love, that you know you can live with yourself alone, until someone comes along that compliments you instead of completing you. TC mark

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