When I was 19, I thought I had it all figured out. All of my eggs were in one basket and I couldn’t have been happier about it.
Until I wasn’t happy anymore.
When I realized I wasn’t happy anymore, I moved out of that first apartment with the man I spent almost four years with and planned on marrying. Crazy right? I was supposed to marry him. I was 19 years old. Absolutely head over heels in love. Absolutely dead set on him being the sun to my solar system of a life. We built our lives together. Around each other. We had a plan. It was written in black ink. We signed our lease, we had a joint bank account…we had it all figured out. Crazy.
But life said no. Life said, “I have bigger things planned for the both of you.”
Now, it could have been life that said that. It could have been God. It could have been fate, the universe, whatever you believe in, whatever signs I was asking for- they all pointed in the direction away from this relationship that we both worked so hard to protect and to perfect. The signs all pointed in the opposite direction of this grand plan written in black ink.
I find this important to share because I see the same thing happening to more and more of my friends. And I wish more than anything, that at the time, I had someone who had experienced this kind of emotional setback to confide in. As I was going through this break up, my best friends were going through the same exact thing in their relationships. So there was really no guidance or advice to be given or to be asked for. We just all kind of had to do it, get through it and move forward. This was when I had my personal breakdown, along with each of my closest friends.
I was in a very fragile state. I made a lot of really stupid decisions. I hurt a lot of other people’s feelings in the process of trying to fix myself, and now looking back, I realize just how selfish I was. Would I go back and change anything? I would like to say I would, but I probably wouldn’t. Because even though in the process, I became this awful, terrible person that I, myself, did not like to be around, now, I think I turned out okay. And it’s hard to say that would I have gone the straight and narrow path, if I would be the person I am right now.
So, back to putting all of our eggs in one basket. My parents, grandparents, older mentors, and other friends warned me about this terrible basket and told horror stories about the repercussions of throwing your eggs in it. Were they right? Absolutely. Yes, the horror stories were true and I spent a good minute picking up the pieces when things fell apart. In fact, it took me an entire year to get it back together. And it was painful.
But I did it. Each of my friends did it. The guy I was supposed to marry, did it. And you can too.
I walked away from that relationship with nothing negative to say, a handful of memories, and a hands on learning experience of what the real world actually entails. Never in a million years would I have believed anyone when they said that I would fall in love again. But I did. Same goes to each of my friends and that boy I dated. Other beautiful relationships grew out of learning what you want and don’t want in a best friend and a life partner. You learn what works and what doesn’t work for you.
These things happened because we put each and every one of our eggs in that God forsaken basket. If I could have heard any one piece of advice when I was going through all of this it would be:
If it doesn’t feel right, do not be afraid to walk away.
Do not be full of pride and stay in a situation where you feel stuck, just because you tried so hard to perfect it and protect it. Remember that people grow and they change and that if you choose to walk away, you will be able to find whatever it is that makes you tick, in something or someone else eventually. There is nothing wrong with taking risks. And there is nothing wrong with them turning around and biting you in the ass.
If it does not work out, pick up your eggs and find a new basket. Find a basket that does feel right; one that is worth investing your time and energy and whatever hypothetical eggs you bring to the table into and know that you will be okay.