Some things we can do to alleviate the pain caused by the death of these fictional characters from a fictional world? The wounds are fresh and I can still smell all of the pools of blood. But after going through these steps—t’ll be a rough ride on the King’s Road—but you’ll notice a Stark difference in your emotional well-being. Also once you recover you can finally go to a wedding without the constant fear of having the band shoot arrows at you while you eat or getting your throat slit to the music. Weddings will still be hard because you’ll realize that you’re only capable of loving fictional characters who die, but at least that’s better than thinking about wedding massacres.
1. Minimize the impact this show where people are naked a lot has had on you emotionally, physically, and mentally with some exposure therapy. Watch “The Rains of Castamere” episode over and over again until you can control the tears. Maybe even throw in a lil Baelor watches in, just so you can truly let it all out. When the tears become too much for your pillows, let the tears fall into your bathtub.
2. Turn off all the lights. Light a Glade candle with the scent of your choice — it’s the only thing you can control at this point. And really, most Targets don’t even have the scents you want so it’s barely even up to you. Curl up into the fetal position in a corner on the floor, and listen to The National’s cover of “The Rains of Castamere” on repeat for seven hours.
3. Remember when you watched all of the deaths so many times you filled your bathtub with eye water? Take a bath in it. Stick your head under the tears and cry for as long as you cannot breathe, just so you can really feel the pain.
5. Light up your life and numb your feelings with some alcohol. You won’t feel a thing! Hide the alcohol in juicing containers or bottles of water or a Starbucks cup or whatever kind of container you drink from in everyday life so no one is suspicious. When your friends (assuming you have real life ones) notice you’re vomiting a lot, tell them you have the summer flu. They’ll bring you soup, ginger ale and the love and attention you need under false pretenses, but this way they can’t make fun of you for “overreacting.”
7. Feelings were made to be eaten. Start with mac and cheese, then move your way up to dino nuggets.
6. Pour some hot coffee on your head. Get rid of your cat, because it doesn’t care about all of the feelings you just ate. Get a fucking puppy. Name it Robb. Did clear salty water start pouring out of your eyes when you read the word cat? Catelyn is in a better place now and you need to eat more dino nuggets. If those aren’t helping, go to Taco Bell.
4. Get a therapist. Tell her all of your best friends died. When your unprofessional therapist realizes that all of the people you’re grieving are not real people and makes a snarky comment about how pathetic you are, throw all of the breakable items in the office. Lamps, vases, glasses (both kinds). Turn over every couch, chair and coffee table. Rip every pillow. It’ll be like a retreat to your Angry Arya Years when you hated everyone so much you wanted to murder them. Thinking about your troubled teen years instead of how sad you are about fake dead people who got their throats slit at a wedding that was actually a trap will help you smile again.