Carrie Schuettpelz

Articles by
Carrie Schuettpelz

2012 Calendar Of Existential Crises

Never again am I going home. Having my mom corner me with questions about my sexuality, and whether I’d thought about trying ‘Zumba’ didn’t help. At least my brother understands me. It’s his birthday this month, isn’t it? This year, I’m going to find him the perfect gift, instead of those iTunes gift cards I usually buy. Wait — his birthday was last month! Why do I keep doing this?!

5 Honest Out-Of-Office Auto Replies

I have mentally checked out for the day. Please disregard the fact that you’ve seen me several times throughout the building, including in the coffee shop, snack bar, gym, and can actually see me in my cubicle from your cubicle across the hall right now. I am using the Internet for my own personal use, which has nothing to do with work whatsoever, and can therefore not be bothered to return your email.