“I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I’m out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
Have you ever heard Dr. Phil say that when we are traumatized we often stagnate at that age? What this means is that when you go through trauma you get stuck right where you are and never mature emotionally, even though you have matured physically.
I was sexually abused starting at the age of four or five and sometimes I think I’m still stuck there despite the fact that I’m over 40 (let’s not say exactly how old I am!). I can be super fussy, irritable, pouty and grumpy, especially if I’m tired.
Even when I recognize that I’m acting like a brat, I can’t help it. My old patterns of self-preservation kick in and I stay in that funk for hours and sometimes days. Through hard work, these moments are dwindling and when I first got into my current relationship they used to last for weeks and now I can usually pull myself out earlier.
No matter how fussy, bitchy, irritable or pouty I get, my boyfriend never gets mad at me. He never forces me to be different or act differently so he can feel more comfortable. He’ll ask me, “Are you grumpy today?” and I’ve gotten to where I can tell him how I feel and why and that’s a HUGE step forward.
No matter what he just wants me to be happy. He never makes me feel like I’m not enough because I’m not perfect or because I’m moody at times.
Girls, this is what you should strive to have:
A guy who accepts you no matter what.
If you are cognizant of your issues and work on them, you are enough. You can’t push all your stuff on someone else and expect them to accept you no matter how you act or what you do. But, if you are doing your best, then your best should be good enough for everyone else, especially your partner.
Maybe some people are happy all the time, but not all of us are. There are ebbs and flows to our emotions (especially around that time of the month when you can’t figure out why you’re crying for absolutely no reason). Your guy needs to accept this and should never chastise you or make you feel like your feelings and emotions are invalid or unnecessary.
If he doesn’t like the way you feel or he thinks you cry too much, then he can hit the road and not let the door hit him on the way out. A real man will allow you to be feminine which means being in touch with your feelings and expressing them in a way that works for you, not in a way that works for him.
Let me place a little caveat here. A guy who accepts you no matter what doesn’t want to put up with lying, cheating, abuse (emotional, physical or substance). A guy who accepts you no matter what doesn’t want you to be morose and depressed forever so it’s on you to figure out what you need to improve on and get moving towards improving it.
A guy who listens even if he doesn’t understand.
My guy has no clue as to why I cry all the time and why I’m so emotional. He’s a super masculine Marine and my depth of emotion is completely foreign to him. He is logical and precise. I’m intuitive and feeling. Opposites attract.
But, he always listens when I tell him how I feel about something and says, “I understand,” even though I know the chances are pretty high he has absolutely no clue what I’m talking about! What matters is that he tries. He is open and not judgmental.
Every girl deserves this.
If your guy tells you that you shouldn’t feel a certain way or that you’re stupid for feeling how you feel, then you need to seriously consider why you’re with him. There are guys out there who WILL listen and who WILL accept how you feel when you feel whether they understand it or not.
Don’t let anyone judge your emotions. Don’t let any guy diminish your feelings because they’re uncomfortable. If they can’t be supportive and understand then they aren’t ready for a relationship and they aren’t ready for you. Find someone who is.
Everyone is unique. We all have our own struggles, fears, insecurities, and feelings. Anyone you choose for a partner should be able to listen to what yours are without judgment.
You are a precious, unique individual and you are one of a kind. You are the only you in the universe.
If you’ve found a guy who accepts you at your worst then hang onto him, because he’s a keeper and if you have a guy who doesn’t accept you when you’re not everything he expects you to be then you kick him to the curb and don’t look back.