Thought Catalog

Don’t Be The Side-Chick

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Anthony Mapp

It’s almost like we have reverted back to the old days – where men were allowed to have their cake and eat ours too. We have entered the era of the “sidechick” and the worst thing about it is we are just letting it slide like it’s not morally wrong. But what if you know that it’s wrong and you do it regardless? What kind of mindsets are sidechicks possessing to make it think that it’s an acceptable act? Because honey, there is nothing glamorous about being the sidechick and I live to tell the story.

SIDE-CHICK (n): “the other woman; also known as the mistress; a female that is neither a male’s wife or girlfriend who has relations with the male while he is in another relationship” (according to urban dictionary).

While I strongly believe in monogamy and the belief that one should be devoted to the one they chose, you can’t help but want what you want. I didn’t plan on becoming a sidechick at any time in my life, but sometimes things just happen. It’s not the fact that all guys are disloyal or are doomed to be cheating pigs. We can go blame them for luring us into their trap making us think we can become more than just the late-night booty call but ultimately, it takes two to tango.

I am not a whore or the girl who aims to sleep around looking to break up relationships. I’m not the girl that people hate. I am not the Instagram model type of girl with the nice body or amazing life. Really, I am actually pretty ordinary and plain. So why choose to be the other girl?

As a kid, I was lucky and grew up spoiled by my dad. (Daddy’s little girls, anyone?) He gave me everything I wanted and as I got older, this mentality followed me throughout life–and love. My first real relationship started with a guy who was my friend (that eventually included benefits). After three long years of my persistence, in-and-out of other relationships, and my absolute desire to have what was out of my reach, he eventually became mine. It’s not the fact that I fall hard for someone, but the sheer desire of wanting what I can’t have makes me want it even more.

I have a type of guy–and no, it’s not the taken kind. I like smooth-talkers or as I call them, f*ckboys. When I met Andrew*, I knew he was just that. I knew nothing about this guy, but with some alcohol and the playful atmosphere, he had me wanting him bad. After serious flirting and what I thought as vibing each other, a friend slips that he has a girlfriend. I was shocked and little hurt, but friend also reminds me that I have a bf to which he also found shocking. I can be honest and tell you things weren’t working out in my relationship and it was going to end soon, but you wouldn’t believe me, right? Andrew proceeded to tell me the same about his relationship.

One thing led to another and we were in a whirlwind of lust. The best and most exciting part was that it was all a secret. Naturally, it was my instinct to want what I couldn’t have and thus began this toxic one-sided relationship. The worst part of it all was that he knew and played me like a fiddle. In the end, I was the only one that was hurt.

The thing about being the sidechick is that some part of us always believes that we are the one. I partially place the blame on romantic comedies and allowing us to believe that we can change that “bad boy”, but that isn’t realistic. Being a sidechick has made me turn into a person I don’t recognize. It has made me desperate and nasty, willing to stop anything to be at his beck and call. Sometimes life closes doors to open others with better opportunities.

It’s a matter of not dwelling on the closed door, and looking at other open doors with hope. I am not the little girl anymore with a daddy that can solve all my problems. It’s a matter of respecting yourself enough to be strong and move on. Don’t let your heart take over your life, rather let your heart lead you to success and happiness–alone. The most attractive people are the ones who are happy on their own.

Don’t settle for being the sidechick. As long as you are the sidechick and he has a girlfriend, you will always be second best and every girl deserves to be the top priority. TC mark

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