1. You feel ancient.
Every time I walk into a bar, I feel like I just arrived at a day care… Jesus Christ, is that 3-year-old drinking Fireball? Wait, that’s Todd.
2. You still have no idea WTF you want to do.
I mean, isn’t that entire reason you decided to take a victory lap? You thought, “Hey, I’m sure after one more year, I’ll have an epiphany and know exactly what career path I’m destined for.” Or you’re just an idiot and didn’t sign up for Public Speaking last semester like yours truly.
3. All your friends left you. Alone. In the dark.
I used to have a million people I could call on a Saturday for late night food, drinks, booty(?)… How many do I have now? Let’s count them… 1, 2, 3… Oh, and they all have boyfriends. So I guess that makes 6. And me.
4. You’re stuck living with people you don’t know.
I actually got set up to live with some pretty cool chicks but sometimes this situation can be disastrous. I know someone who went the random roommate route and ended up living with Martha, the 50-year-old divorcee. Oh and Martha cried. A lot.
5. You know literally everything about your college town.
Sometimes this can be helpful in cases such as trying to find the nearest Krispy Kreme or Dunkin’ Donuts. But after a while, it’s just straight up boring. Like I seriously get amped when I see that they’re planting new shrubbery downtown. CHANGE!!
6. You’ve completely let yourself go.
I mean, there’s no one left here to impress, right? Why can’t you show up at Krispy Kreme at 3:00 pm wearing men’s boxers, a huge T-shirt that reads “Old Guys Rule,” and UGGs? That’s right. There’s no reason why you can’t.