1. I’ve been really busy and don’t have any time.
Two words: My Ass. Unless he is stranded on a dessert island (and no, that was not a typo; if I was stranded on a remote plot of land full of delicious treats I would cut my phone off, too), this is not an excuse. I once had a guy blame his schoolwork on having no time to text/call me for two weeks. Weird—I’m in school, too, and I have time to associate with civilization. It’s complete bullshit. MOVE ON.
2. I just think we need more time to figure out what we want.
If a guy likes you, he will put his MF brand on you right away. What he’s really saying is that he needs more time to see what other fish he can catch (and by “catch,” I mean “bone”). Sweetheart, you’re the backup plan. Don’t EVER settle for being someone’s Plan B.
3. I just don’t have the money right now.
SOMETIMES this excuse works…if he’s putting himself through college, working 50 hours a week, and paying child support or some shit, THEN you can believe this. If not, he obviously wants to spend time on other things besides you. Whether he is not taking you on dates like he used to or y’all share a long-distance relationship and he “can’t” ever visit you, most of the time this lie is easily detected. Especially if all of his Snapchats consist of him going out with his friends and getting high AF every night. He obviously has the money for weed and alcohol; why can’t he drop a couple of extra doll-hairs on you?
4. She’s just a friend and needed a place to sleep.
OK, then why did she have to sleep over? Oh, because she was too drunk to go home? Did your car spontaneously combust? I don’t care how drunk she was. You have a car. Drive her ass home. One time I had this friend (let’s call her Labia) who was dating this guy (let’s call him Shaft). Well, one day Shaft told Labia that he needed the weekend to himself. That Saturday, Labia knew Shaft was at work so she decided to drop by his house to pick up her favorite shirt for game day, and sure enough there was some girl’s suitcase on his bed. Naturally he told her that his friend was in town and needed a place to crash. Really?? Is it your cousin? Sister? Come to find out he was sleeping with his sister…just kidding, you know how the story ends. She believed it and they lived happily ever after. Not really. Come on people, please take the hint!!
5. I need to experience my freshman, sophomore, senior, first year of law school.
Once again he is looking for other prospects. If he loved you as much as he says he does, he would want to share every moment of his [insert age or scholastic year here] with you. If he truly believed he found the right one, he wouldn’t want to “experience” that time without you. Trust me.