This is the dichotomy of the human heart.
We think our hearts should, and have to, permanently close before opening to someone else. Don’t we?
We cannot think or even assume the position to be in a new, loving, open, thriving relationship if we love someone else, can we?
We are not supposed to “move on” into a new love if we haven’t set the love down and walked away from the old.
I am proof we can.
I love my late husband, still. He has been gone for nearly 2 years, and I miss him, I love him. All the time. Every day. And I also deeply, unconditionally love my new blossoming relationship with my boyfriend. It’s that simple. And it can be. I love him, and I love him, too.
We diminish ourselves and the capabilities of our hearts and spirits when we suppress our love and loves and hide them away. Specifically, if we are grieving for a lost love and a lost life as we knew it. Look at what your heart is capable of giving and doing and give it credit.
Your superpower is loving harder than any pain you have ever felt, and you probably had no idea you carried that around with you.
If you’ve ever closed the chapter on a relationship, and you’re still here to tell about it, you have flexed that intrinsic capability. We were powerfully made to love, hurt, heal, overcome, expand and love again. The one who loves urgently after a loss has glimpsed their heart’s true potential.
Our hearts can and will do what they were intended to do: expand. And allow more love to be given and received.
So let them.
The greatest gift we can give ourselves, and the ones we choose, is permission to love all. Honor and cherish all the lessons in the loves we have had, and allow that wisdom to bring our best to the new. We have collected all the data we need to level up in the new relationship.
We can keep our own hearts and those of our people small and compressed by denying their emotions. Let your person love and keep loving, it will only benefit the love they have the opportunity now to grow and nurture for you.
Their love for that person who is no longer was cut off. Growth has ceased. They will be able to admire that flower for the entire lives, but no new love will grow or root further there. You are new. You are establishing a root system and with patience, grace, understanding, all the TLC, will continue to bloom.
The short answer is to love the person whose heart is in the process of expanding like you’ve never been hurt. Bring all the knowledge of your history into loving this person to your best. Open the space in your heart that has been wronged, betrayed, hurt… and let that all go. Create heart space by letting go of what doesn’t allow you to expand. Take ownership of being your best, with the knowledge you have, and enter into the new love with an open and elevated heart and mind.
Nothing can hurt you if you don’t allow it to. Create space in your head and heart by letting go of what holds you hostage from healing. Then, you’ll be able to open and expand. And watch as you and your person bloom.
The strongest and most courageous hearts are the ones who know they’re capable of loving all, honoring all, and giving their all because of it.
You don’t take away from the new love by acknowledging what love(s) brought you to the present one. Be brave and honor it all.