You’ve just broken up with who you thought was the love of your life. For a few weeks, months even, you thought, “Okay, I got this. Easy.” Then, time starts to drag on, and you realize single life isn’t glamorous, or actually, it couldn’t be more of a polar opposite. You’ve heard stories about the struggle, but you start to question how you’re ever going to start over, move on, and really, truly find find “it” again.
You’ve just switched cities. You were ready for something new, invigorating, or maybe even cleansing. You were optimistic, at best. Or just trying to be a realist, at worst. There were new places to explore, people to meet, or even just getting on a name-to-name basis with the Trader Joe’s employees next door. You decide to hit up that girl who went to college with you. It’s been a few years, but you remember her being really cool. After a bit of time passes, you’re finding yourself in a similar situation. Happy hours aren’t all that different, Tinder guys aren’t any better (actually, they’re worse), and that college “friend” is as absent as she was at your 8am lecture.
You question why you thought your location, a trivially different one than your last, would be anything more than the same things so many 20-something’s are going through. You’re forced to admit that these are unfortunately and comparably similar to what you have previously endured.
Whoever, whatever, or wherever may have caused you to feel like you’ve completely hit rock bottom, it’s time to remember the person, to the core, you really are.
Ask anyone who’s survived heartbreak, regretted a decision, or felt lost when they thought they were about to “ace” it all, “How did you remind yourself of your worth, your values, or the things that brought real, genuine joy to your life?”
Remember: It’s not your ex. It will never be.
Your break-up wasn’t a mistake. It happened for a reason. It’s undeniably uncomfortable because it forced you into many more unimagined nights alone. It’s caused you to have more breakdowns than you’re comfortable with admitting. Find comfort in knowing that you, by far, are not the only one who needs to snag a bottle of Pinot before you head home for a night in, but more importantly, your Pinot-reliant self, who you feel could claim unemployment in the self-care department, needs to take it all in.
Now, you’re independent, you’re more self-sufficient, you’ve adapted, and you’ve conformed into a person who has discovered what they absolutely don’t want in their next partner. 100%, without a doubt, your ex will never be a reason to question yourself or your choice to leave your failing relationship. You and this prior S/O’s flame burnt out because it wasn’t everlasting. Keep doing you.
Remember: It’s not your location. Geography shouldn’t play a factor.
You don’t get it. You were truly going out on a limb and trying something new, i.e. uprooting your entire life for a fresh start. You didn’t expect it to be easy, but you also didn’t consider drowning in your own misery to be an option. It shouldn’t be. Once again, embrace it all. Go for those long drives, holding tears back because you don’t want the car next to you to notice how hopeless you appear to be.
Location is always thought to be correlated, directly, with happiness. It very well can be, but no geographic coordinates are handing out free balloons on their sidewalks. You have to do that.
Enjoy your lonely nights. They’re making you strong, ambitious, and one hell of a badass. Blow your own balloons because clowns are creepy and expecting a location to give you that is as unrealistic as Prince Harry swiping right on your profile.
Remember: It’s not your failures. Quit blaming the “bad.”
If failures were really your lowest point, why do they always seem to make us better? Failing at a hobby, a new job, a friendship, or the dating-scene, no matter how significant or not, can make anyone feel worthless. You think, “Well apparently I can’t do this, so I may as well accept my fate.” You’re right, your attempt at that, in the way(s) you previously attempted it, didn’t work out in your favor. Don’t knock yourself so low you can’t identify other options. There’s a world of possibilities to go about something. You have to pick yourself up, and as hard or exhausting as it may seem, try again. Don’t blacklist yourself from something that doesn’t even know you exist… yet. Continue attempting to make your mark. Eventually, you can check it off your list: success.
The cliche’ phrase, “Life is tough”, should never be your motto. Don’t hang it above your bedpost, expecting it to collect dust. That’s so, absolutely unfair to you. Don’t let it be your doormat, tattoo, or signature.
You’re not at rock bottom, you simply hit a rock. How long you choose to stay hung up on this boulder is entirely up to you.
Pat yourself on the back. There’s a person in you who had never experienced this turmoil before; even better, there’s a person in you who has and will overcome it. Embrace those hard days and even harder nights. They’re a part of you, but they shall never define you. Fix your sails because this vast ocean is only inviting the strongest of sailors.