I am one of those type A kind of people (if you couldn’t tell already). Everyday I struggle with always thinking I need to do everything with 100% perfection. I wake up and list a billion things in my head I need to accomplish. I constantly feel the need to please others which never works out because in the back of my mind, I’m worrying about something else I need to perfect. This is just how I am. Some were born with the laid back, “wait till the last second to do everything” gene. Believe me, if I could have this gene for just one day, I would be ecstatic.
Lately, I’ve been accepting the fact that perfectionism is not plausible. It is not what any human in the course of history has ever been able to accomplish. I believe this is true because God did not create man to live without flaw. He wanted man to learn, to struggle, to experience pain, so that in the end he could triumph. So that he could experience all that he is capable of.
So with this being said, I have taken into practice meditation over the past few weeks. I have taken a step back and pushed away those thoughts that race through my head in the morning and constantly throughout the day. I still haven’t completely stepped away from this as everything takes time, but I am slowly making progress. Yes, I was born to be Type A, but that does not mean I cannot control how I think. That does not mean I cannot allow myself to be less stressed and to relax more. I have been able to tell myself that not everything needs to be accomplished right away…that there is time for tasks to be completed. It is not easy to accept change, to grasp failure, and to accept help from others–but it is necessary in order to grow.
I know that I am my own worst critic and I know that most people I surround myself with, who are not Type A, will never be able to grasp this. It doesn’t come easy for me to step out of a daily routine, to accept change, to stay up late and wake up early as others may find easy to do. This is the cross that I bear and I know each of you reading this bear something different. That everyone of us will never fully understand each other.
Therefore, I encourage each of you (myself included) to not jump to conclusions. To not say rude things or be cruel to each other. If you haven’t watched the show, “Friends”, please take thirty minutes of your time to just watch one episode. This is how we should all act towards each other. No, I do not always heed my own advice but, yes, I am working on it.
I do realize I have hurt people in the past. I have not been the happiest version of myself. But, to any of you reading this, I do apologize. I also apologize if you have been the rude one to me or others because you do not deserve to hold such negativity inside yourself. You deserve to smile when you wake up, to free yourself from anything you may hold inside, and seek strength in the Lord. You deserve to breathe easier, to step away from the negativity in your life, and realize that you are perfect not being perfect. When you try to change yourself for the better, when you try to reflect beauty in the lives of others, you are being the best you can be.
It was not easy for me to write this SUPER long post while sitting outside being attacked by ants, but I hope that if it doesn’t show you who I am, it teaches you who you are. I hope that you learn you can take a step back from whatever is causing you pain (seriously anything) and accept the fact that you do not have to conform. That you do not have to accept negativity. That you do not have to accept what society thinks. That you should accept the fact that you need to be kinder to others. That you do have to accept the fact that you are trying your hardest and being that which the Lord called you to be.