FamilyFriendship

When You Try Too Hard To Be The ‘Frat Girl’

In college, I was that girl who hung out with boys more than girls. Yes, I was even in a sorority and still hung out with my guy friends in the fraternity more than my own sorority sisters. I loved to drink, have fun, party and just sit and hang out. All of my girl friends would tell me that one day the boys would let me down. I never really took it to heart, but looking back at it now, I wish I had. I wouldn’t say I lost my friends because of it, but I am not as close to people I could have been if I had given them more of a chance.

These boys were my brothers, they were my friends, and they were the root of my college life. I hung out with them more than I did at my own house with my own roommates. I stayed the night at the fraternity house on couches and chose to party or eat out with them over my friends. I loved it and hated it at the same time. They took care of me when I needed it and I trusted them greatly. I never worried about being taken advantage of and they always invited me to do things even if it was just guys; I was that girl. I even became sweetheart at one point, and man, did that feel good. My confidence went up, my love for them grew, and I thought I had the coolest friends in the world.

But they would sometimes forget that I was still a girl. They would make fun of me, tease me, and joke with me, and sometimes I took it to heart. All I could do to get over it was remember it meant they liked you — that was the way it was with them.

Then I got a boyfriend and everything changed. My boyfriend was actually one of the guys in the group of boys I hung out with all of the time, but it didn’t really matter. I felt more uncomfortable because I couldn’t flirt, couldn’t hang out with just guys, and couldn’t act the way I used to when I drank and partied. It was a great step for me in my relationship, but it wasn’t for me in my social life, as the majority of my friends were boys.

I quickly learned that I shouldn’t have always chosen guys over girls. You think it is great and that everything is perfect (and for a while it really was — I LOVED every bit of it), but then you grow up. Or get a boyfriend. And despite where this boyfriend comes from, even if that’s the inner circle of your guy friends, you no longer can be THAT girl. Then you think about the sacrifices you made to be in that group. I didn’t hang out with my girlfriends as much. I ditched them more often than not, and I couldn’t relate to them as well because all of my stories had to do with guys.

I am not saying I don’t have my small group of friends that are girls. I love them more than anything, even when I was a fraternity groupie, but there is a big part of me that wishes that I hadn’t been so caught up in being the frat girl. I learned after being in a relationship that the girls I was always friends with are still my friends, but some of the guys I thought I was close with are no longer very friendly with me. Some even act like they hate the relationship I am in, and we were all mutual friends at one point.

What I learned is that guys will ditch you if you are a girl. They will backstab you and gossip about you almost more than girls. Yes, they will also love you and be there for you and hang out with you, but more importantly, they will ALWAYS (and I mean ALWAYS) choose their guy friends over a girl. So what was wrong with me to not choose my girl friends over them? I do not regret the decisions I have made, but I have learned enough to know that I should have listened when my girl friends told me that they will let you down.

So the point is this: Be friends with guys if you are that girl who relates to them better than others, but do not choose them over your girl friends. Do not think that they are closer friends overall than girls, because they aren’t. There is something about girl friends that will never compare to a guy friend, and vice versa. But do not choose to ALWAYS hang out with them more, because you will lose out on a lot of relationships that you could have now once you get a boyfriend.

I loved being their friend as a single girl, but it is not the same when you are in a relationship, no matter how hard you try. It is then when you have to decide what is more important: your friendship with these guys that will one day have girlfriends that won’t like you or your boyfriend that will not like you hanging out with other guys that you once were close with. TC mark

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I’ll make a change in this world, even if it is one word at a time. Follow Caroline on Instagram or read more articles from Caroline on Thought Catalog.

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